New article on how parents mediate the media

October 26, 2011


“Parental mediation theory for the digital age” is an article in this month’s journal Communication Theory. It’s meant to update communication theories about how parents are mediating the media, now that digital and mobile media have become firmly entrenched in family life. Specifically it argues that with digital media, young people can contribute to family life in ways that weren’t possible before, and we need to take account of how children aren’t just vulnerable to media effects but are also co-contributors to our lives together with and through digital and mobile media. Here is the more academic version of the article’s abstract:

This article describes the theory of parental mediation, which has evolved to consider how parents utilize interpersonal communication to mitigate the negative effects that they believe communication media have on their children. I discuss the strengths and weaknesses of this theory as employed in the sociopsychologically rooted media effects literature as well as sociocultural ethnographic research on family media uses. To account for the emotional work that digital media have introduced into contemporary family life, I review interpersonal communication scholarship based on sociologist A. R. Hochschild’s (1977, 1989) work on emotions, and suggest L. Vygotsky’s (1978) social development theory as a means of rethinking the role of children’s agency in the interactions between parents and children that new media affords. The article concludes by suggesting that in addition to the strategies of active, restrictive, and co-viewing as parental mediation strategies, future research needs to consider the emergent strategy of participatory learning that involves parents and children interacting together with and through digital media.

Full citation and where it’s available online:
Clark, L.S. Parental mediation theory for the digital age. Communication Theory 21(4): 323-343.

Making Your Kid Super and Using Education to Hedge Your Bets

October 3, 2011

Okay, admittedly, this is going to be a more cynical reflection than the title of the post suggests.

Two recent op-ed columns are worth reading back to back: Bill Keller’s The University of Wherever,” about the unsustainability of today’s expensive university educations, and James Atlas’“Super People,”on young adults with over-the-top lists of achievements for college and graduate school applications.

Atlas marvels at the resumes of young adults who have worked in orphanages around the world and founded farmer’s markets in lower-income neighborhoods, all while learning several languages and playing multiple instruments. He wonders, “has our hysterically competitive, education-obsessed society finally outdone itself in its tireless efforts to produce winners whose abilities are literally off the charts?”

Atlas’ column links the over-achievement of today’s young adults with “helicopter parents,” particularly mothers who give up careers to manage their children’s prospects for future economic success. But actually, he does more than blame the mothers, a familiar theme in many articles about what’s wrong with today’s children. The article subtly raises the deeper moral dilemma that this new “species” of “super people” represents. Even as wealthy young people have been striving to become hyper-competent to compete for fewer and fewer desirable positions at the top, those young people from the lowest socioeconomic levels suffer greater declines in verbal and math skills compared to earlier generations. So those with privilege focus on making sure that they’re able to access the best, while those without are less competitive even for the positions their parents might once have held.

Even the hopes we once held out about the “leveling” potential of the Internet are now fading. Maybe once we would have celebrated the ways that university professors could make their content accessible to those who otherwise would have little means to gain the insights of higher education. Access to outstanding university-level education could be accessible for more than just the “Super People” that Atlas discussed in his column. But NYT columnist Bill Keller seems a little more skeptical.

Keller talks about a Stanford faculty member who’s made his lectures available worldwide and for free. Stanford’s Sebastian Thrun offers a course titled, “Introduction to Artificial Intelligence.” Keller notes that after the New York Times ran a piece about this offering, online enrollments in the course grew to 130,000. Certainly, this indexes a desire for outstanding education about a significant topic, and demonstrates that the Internet can make it available to those who couldn’t go to Stanford. But does it solve the fundamental problem of shrinking access to “the top”?

In Keller’s article, Stanford professor Sebastian Thrun is quoted as criticizing the traditional university as “insanely uneconomical.” After all, he says, he can provide “free” education to whoever wants it at a fraction of the cost (never mind the fact that Stanford is paying him to create this “free” content for those who are actually paying $50,000 a year to receive it in a classroom).

What’s interesting in Keller’s article is that this description of “free” university education gets examined in relation to the question of whether or not its offerings will undermine traditional brick-and-mortar schools. After all, he cautions, higher education remains one of the last of the desirable U.S. “exports,” a point on which he cites both Thrun as well as Stanford’s president. Sure, the Internet makes it free, these experts as well as the article’s author seem to suggest. Just as long as it enhances, rather than undermines, the pedigree of a Stanford degree. “We” in the U.S. need to maintain our space at “the top,” after all. Wow, are we collectively nervous about that. And rightly so.

It’s kind of funny how much Thrun, the Stanford professor, sounds like a grown-up version of the earnest Super People young adults Atlas reviewed. Can you imagine having 130,000 sign up for your college course? When he talks about wanting to make his course available “for free,” he sounds as if he is being generous and populist – until you consider the fact that the added value he brings to the university (even through “free” students auditing his class) actually, and maybe ironically, guarantees his own “spot at the top.”

We in the U.S. sure do love — and loathe — these stories of individual greatness. Sure, we all want fairness. But when it comes down to it, parents want whatever will give their kids an edge over others. We are profoundly competitive. Our current economic strife didn’t cause this competitiveness, but it certainly has brought it to the fore.

But as we focus our energies on competing, what might we be losing? If there are “winners” and “losers,” are we ok with the fact that we can no longer ignore the huge discrepancies between “winners” and “losers” that have a lot more to do with luck of birth than with giftedness, drive, or education? Or perhaps I should ask, how long will we be ok with this? Isn’t this fundamentally the opposite of the U.S. dream of a society of equal opportunity?

I feel like we as parents are so nervous about the future of our own kids that sometimes, we fail to see the ways in which that future is inextricably bound up with the future of *all* kids. Maybe not thinking about that inevitable connection, actually, has become a central strategy in how we’re hedging our bets. Because if we thought about it, we might have to change what we’re doing as parents. We might have to think less about “us” and “them” and more about shared futures and win-win (rather than win/lose) scenarios. And we just might have to examine our assumptions about what makes a kid “super” to begin with.

Internet dangers & Juvenoia

August 2, 2011

This is a terrific speech about how public “juvenoia” about the Internet is out of step with actual statistics regarding crimes against children. It’s given by Dr. David Finkelhor, Director of the Center for Crimes Against Children Research. Crimes against children (including self-inflicting crimes of suicide) have *declined* overall in recent years.  Thanks to Anne Collier of NetFamilyNews.org for bringing this to widespread attention!  Both are cited in my book Parenting in the Digital Age, which will soon enter production!  More on that soon….

 

 

New research on young people learning to care about public life

July 12, 2011

In the midst of the U.S. budget impasse of July 2011, it’s fascinating to reflect on how some inspiring teachers & schools are working to get high school young people engaged in their communities. It doesn’t start with high-minded debates about tax policy vs. Medicare, of course; it starts with what young people care about and encounter in their everyday lives.

In a recently published study in the journal Journalism, my collaborator Rachel Monserrate & I found that encouraging teens to engage in media production is a way to help them see themselves as part of a community that’s broader, and that has more shared concerns, than their immediate friendship circles. Maybe this is a start on the road to getting young people to develop empathy for those whose life experiences are different from their own.

Here’s the abstract from the article published in a recent issue of the journal Journalism:

This article examines how involvement in high school journalism contributes to socialization into citizenship and, most crucially, to the development of a collective sensibility. Recent work by W Lance Bennett (2008), Zukin and his colleagues (2006), and Sara-Ellen Amster (2006) provides an interpretive lens for considering young people’s experiences with journalism and with citizenship. Interviews with 45 high school journalists from 19 different schools are analyzed, highlighting emerging definitions of citizenship as reflected in how young people discuss their work as student journalists. The study suggests that participation in the culture of high school journalism can provide young people with opportunities to develop the skills and experiences necessary for civic engagement, including the experience of collective decision-making. This study also argues that some young people come to understand the costs of engaged citizenship after negative experiences with their school’s administration, as such experiences reveal differing understandings of the roles of authority, journalism, and collective responsibility within the high school community that its high school journalism is meant to serve.

Families change, raising new questions about technologies

April 12, 2011

I just returned from a the recent conference of the Council of Contemporary Families, an organization that’s dedicated to providing better and more rigorous sociological data to inform public opinion and public policy.  It was exhilarating to learn of the new directions in sociological research and U.S. families, and I’m using this blog entry to reflect on some of the questions the sessions raised for me as I think about how those in media studies might respond in a similarly forward-thinking way about changing families and the roles that various media play in them.

Several people in the conference’s first panel reported that close to 1 in 7 U.S. families are now part of a multiracial family. Yet although interracial marriage has become more common, economic disparities remain important in relation to how people from differing ethnic groups come to meet one another and develop relationships.  Much of our ethnic divisions in the U.S. are strongly rooted in geographies, as Nick Jones of the U.S. census said; several urban areas already include a majority of Latinos or African Americans.  This made me wonder about Craig Watkins’ research into digital and mobile media use among urban communities, and the implications as to how social networks may participate in either redrawing networked geographies — or reinforcing geographic divisions.  Watkins often cites the Pew research finding that Blacks and Latinos are more likely than Whites to use their mobiles to download music or play games, demonstrating that urban populations are among the leaders in mobile adoption and use.  Yet we still don’t know much about how diverse populations communicate with one another modally.   I suspect that urban populations are also leaders in this area of identity negotiation.  I was reminded of this yesterday when one of my students observed with some humor that although she probably has an ipod full of a range of music that’s similar to her urban professional friends, she’d be horrified if some of her other professional acquaintances were to hear what’s on it.  She only puts professional info on her Facebook page; she considers her ipod strictly private.  Does this mean that some devices are becoming more private and personal than others, or that we are becoming more selective in how we participate in various online-related activities?  Or perhaps it signifies that some communities have long had the experience of revealing certain parts of themselves selectively, and so the dilemmas of identity and new technologies aren’t all that new for everyone.

This also made me wonder whether or not families communicate about this kind of online negotiating directly, or if it happens through observation.  One thing I learned from this conference is that it does seem that families that communicate openly about feelings concerning racial ethnic identity tend to do better than those that do not.  This was an especially poignant observation made by one of the people who spoke about interracial adoptions and the tendency for white couples to want to be “color blind” – much to the detriment of young people who may interpret their approach instead as “my mom and dad don’t look like me and/or they don’t have friends who look like me.”

Interracial adoptions were a particularly interesting part of the discussion at this conference.  USA Today reporter Sharon Jayson published a summary of Adam Pertman’s research of adoption conducted with the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute.  They have found that about 40% of all U.S. adoptions now involve multiracial families, and biracial and multiracial children are four times more likely to be put up for adoption than monorace children.

Pertman offered an instructive quiz to the conference’s attendees, asking us which did we believe was the most popular method of adoption: infants adopted domestically, international adoptions, or adoptions from the foster care system.  Whereas the audience was split about evenly, we – like most in the U.S. – were way off.  Fully 68% of adoptions occur through the foster care system.  International adoption has been dropping and now accounts for 15% of all adoptions, and domestic infant adoption accounts for another 17%.  It certainly demonstrated the discrepancies between public opinion and reality when it comes to adoptive families, making me wonder: why are these stories of foster families told in such limited (and often negative) ways?  Probably because the other two kinds of adoptions are most noticeable in the middle class ‘burbs, aka the people who read newspapers and the people television advertisers favor in relation to programming.

When those of us studying family media uses think about how technology plays a role in the lives of these growing families, it seems that there are all kinds of new questions we could be asking with regard to representation, as well as negotiation of identity in online as well as offline spaces.  There are also questions about usage: I met one research group that’s exploring how divorced parents use the mobile to avoid interacting with one another and instead communicate directly with their child. That reminded me of Danny Miller’s studies on how mothers who work transnationally utilize mobiles to keep in touch with their children, with varying degrees of success according to those children.

This conference was all very helpful, as my research team and I are heading into Denver’s most diverse high school tomorrow to continue our experiences in teaching digital media literacy there. In addition to teaching, we’re learning from the students themselves about what they would teach others about their own experiences in negotiating identities among diverse populations both online and off.  I was glad to be reminded of the CCF’s commitment to think deeply about structural factors that influence family forms and technological uses, and was also challenged to consider how I might frame my own research so that it challenges rather than echoes a simple “deficit model” in relation to diversity.  I am sure that this research will raise many more questions than it will answer, and I look forward to seeing where it goes.

Question to Tiger (and all) Mothers: Why is leisure bad?

January 24, 2011

Everyone knows that achievement takes hard work and discipline.  You’ve read Malcolm Gladwell’s claim that 10,ooo hours of focused attention on an activity separates experts from the rest of us, right?  But if there are 8,765 hours in a year, and children spend on average 3,800 or so sleeping (9 hrs/night) and 1,000 in school (6 hrs/day x 180 days), and even if they spend an average of 3 hours a day on homework (3 x 180 school days = 540) and another 3 hours developing expertise in the arts and/or sports throughout the year (about another 1,000 hours) and a couple of hours each day getting ready for school, getting transported to and from school, doing chores, and getting ready for bed (730 hours), then they still would have about 1,695 hours a year that they can spend in free time.  1,695 hours: more time than they spend in school!!  More time than they spend in extracurricular activities!  Isn’t that terrible?!!  It seems that recently, the parenting mantra has been in favor of zero free hours: no free time is seen as a good thing.

And thus it’s no surprise that some parents have celebrated Amy Chua’s new book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (excerpted in the Wall Street Journal on January 8 2011), which pits the Eastern emphasis on discipline against the Western focus on self-esteem.  Much of the review of this book has focused on the issue of discipline, and of parental means of controlling both children and their time.  Hannah Rosin in the Wall Street Journal agrees with Chua, noting that in the U.S. “we believe that our children are special and entitled, but we do not have the guts or the tools to make that reality true for them.” In other words, we’re not doing enough to get them into the special activities that would help to cultivate their unique gifts. Sociologist Annette Lareau has a term for that approach.  It’s “concerted cultivation:” the approach that tends to be accepted among middle and upper middle class families, and that tends to see children as a project to be disciplined through time.

One of Chua’s enthusiastic supporters put the issue more baldly by focusing on the specifically aggressive and insulting “tools” of controlling children that’s associated with the Tiger Mother approach, lamenting, “American parents have no courage to put welts on the backs of their children.”  Given the fact that Chua’s article and book tend to trigger this kind of response, it’s no surprise that many other parents have taken Chua and her supporters to task for her over-the-top efforts that have occasionally crossed over into child cruelty.  The Times’ Lisa Belkin calls Chua’s book a stinging tribute to discipline with what Belkin suggests borders on Mommy Dearest tendencies.

The debate over Chua’s parenting styles illustrates, once again, the conflicted feelings we have about parenting and about such issues as child-centered versus parent-directed activities.  As the Boston Globe’s Joanna Weiss wonders, we might ask:  should we browbeat our kids into practicing so that they learn the benefits of discipline ?  And if we do so, are we doing it because we see them as weak and in need of our help (the Helicopter Parent approach), or strong and able to handle pressure and challenge (which is what Chua argues)?  Either way, we want to see ourselves as in charge, and our children as benefiting from our parenting labors.

But what if we’re not fully in charge?

What if we’re living through a seismic economic shift that is leaving fewer and fewer routes to what middle class parents have been conditioned to think of as middle class success?  It may be that this lack of our ability to control our children’s environment is what drives parents to anxiously want to schedule up all that “wasted” free time.  Perhaps, as Laurie Essig writes in The Chronicle, the real issue motivating Tiger Mothers is a fear that their children won’t enter the upper or upper middle classes of their stressed-out parents.

It’s easy to take credit for discipline gone well.  It’s not so easy to acknowledge the fact that kids with fewer privileges need not only disciplining parents, but also a lot of luck, to make the odds work in their favor.

Maybe part of the problem, then, is that across the economic spectrum, we’ve been conditioned to see our children through the prism of our own financial insecurities: as future workers who need to be prepared for the precarious workforce that they’ll inhabit someday.  In David Brooks’ critique of Chua’s book, he takes exactly this position (He thinks it’s fine that Chua prefers to prepare her kids to excel, but he thinks that homework and the arts are easier than preparing kids for their eventual role in team-oriented workplace environments.  For that, he says, things like playdates and sleepovers teach important skills, and Chua’s shortchanging her daughters by forbidding them).

But what if the workplace wasn’t the only model for what it meant to be a successful person?

What if our goals as parents included not only helping children to manage their time according to the dictates of an increasingly time-demanding workforce that asks adults to mold their free time activities so as to fit into their work schedules?  What if we valued music and the arts because they make us appreciate our humanity, and because they help us to value our own voices, expressions, and experiences, and in turn make us more capable of viewing ourselves as participants in democratic action?

As we as a society continue to move more toward embracing the dictates of the workplace in ever-more places in our lives, we can lose sight of the fact that there is an alternative to seeing ourselves, and our children, as workers destined to serve the interests of those who pay us for our labor.  We are more than our economic utility.  Contemplating that simple yet profound idea is an important outcome of leisure, and one that can help our children to envision other ways of valuing lives and gifts beyond the place that such efforts might garner them in the economic realm.

So maybe leisure or a lack of personal discipline isn’t the enemy after all, just as building self-esteem isn’t the only solution.

Parents, Kids, & Virtual Worlds

December 14, 2010

 

It’s out!  Below is the abstract for the editorial that introduces the newest issue of Journal of Virtual Worlds Research, which I co-edited with Sun Sun Lim of the University of Singapore.

Abstract:

Virtual worlds have made notable inroads into the lives of children, affording online extensions of their offline lives. In this article, we propose a conceptual framework for understanding the space that virtual worlds occupy in children’s play and the ways in which children’s participation in them overlap with their everyday play experiences, both offline and mediated. We argue that virtual worlds can be viewed as sites of convergence for children’s play in that virtual worlds allow for almost all aspects of children’s play to converge, primarily manifested in the convergence of social spheres, the convergence of play spaces and playthings, the convergence of cultures and the convergence of learning experiences. we explain how such convergence, while presenting valuable opportunities for children to learn and develop, will not be fully exploited without a corresponding ability on the part of parents and children to recognise potential risks; and for parents and educators to scaffold these learning opportunities.

<a href=”http://www.jvwresearch.org/page/home”>Go to the full article followed by the special issue </a>

Parenting in a Digital Age: Chapter 2

December 9, 2010

Below is the second chapter in the draft of the book, Parenting in a Digital Age.  The introduction is also available in the entry below.  Please feel free to comment or write: Lynn (at) Clark (dot) DU.edu.

 

Ch 2: What Young People Want

Parenting in a Digital Age, by Lynn Schofield Clark

When dgmkerry444 used the website Quizilla to share a quiz she created with her friends, she titled it, “Would you make a good parent (girls only, sorry guys)?” Dgmkerry444 included questions about how you would discipline teens for problem behaviors, how you would decide on when to pay for items that teens desire, and then she asked, “How old do your kids have to be before they can get a cell phone?”  The way to receive a “Perfect Parent” score on dgmkerry444’s quiz was to choose this response: You as a parent should decide that a cell phone is a good idea “When they’re 12 or 13, depending on their attitude and if they go shopping or somewhere with friends.”  If you selected this among other responses and scored in the range of the Perfect Parent, you then received this message:

Congratulations!  You’d be a Perfect Parent!  You seem to know almost EVERYTHING about being a mom, and your parenting skills are much like mine would be if I had kids.  You have like NOTHING to work on before you have kids, just tell your guy you want kids and start trying![i]

Oh, to have the wisdom and self-assurance of a 12- or 13-year-old when it comes to parenting decisions.

Dgmkerry444 speaks to “parents,” but she is actually addressing girls and mothers, who often, although not exclusively, are the bearers of parenting tasks and identities. Recent research into parenting arrangements indicates that a growing number of fathers are primarily responsible for their children’s upbringing, and parenting arrangements are increasingly diverse, including cohabiting, same sex, nonbiological, and extended family custodial arrangements. Despite these changes, however, the majority of young people in the U.S. live in a household with someone who is legally, economically, and socially responsible for them and for their upbringing, and a large percentage of those families report that mothers are the primary decision-makers about childrearing, family care, and household management.[ii]

In addition to their desire for a parent who will buy them a cell phone at 12 or 13, what do young people want from their parents and from digital and mobile media?  This is a question that is best framed in relation to studies in the sociology of childhood, for what children want has a great deal to do with their experiences with their peers. I therefore begin this chapter with a review of studies in the sociology of childhood in order to establish the importance of thinking about what children, tweens, and teens might want when it comes to digital and mobile media, so that we can better understand how such media fit into their lives, needs, and desires, and therefore into the practices of parenting and being parented in a digital age.  I highlight how the consolidated media industries are seeking to address those needs through digital, mobile, and traditional media products.  I then turn to the needs and desires of young people who relate how they manage their need for acceptance among their peers with their desire to be distinct, introducing four stories of young people whose experiences with digital, mobile, and traditional media changed over the period of their elementary through their teen years. I argue that young people’s needs are rooted in peer culture, and that the need to be accepted and recognized, to belong and to be distinct, and the need to recognize peer norms so as to live within them comfortably all strongly shape both how young people view digital, mobile, and traditional media.  Moreover, how young people interact through and about these media, with each other and with their parents, is a form of emotional work, as we will see.

Studying Children through the Sociology of Childhood

Studies in the sociology of childhood emerged in the 1980s as an attempt to better understand the experiences of childhood from the perspectives of children themselves.  Key to this approach has been an emphasis on children not only as future adults, or as people in the process of being socialized into roles in relation to adulthood, but as actors who construct their own cultures and who contribute to the adult world. In many ways, scholars writing in this tradition of sociology of childhood sought to challenge the assumptions of developmental psychology and socialization frameworks that viewed children from a universalizing perspective that focused on desirable future outcomes.[iii] Moreover, childhood is viewed in this tradition as a particular category of society, and therefore while each individual child grows out of this category, childhood is a permanent part of the structure of society.[iv] The field has therefore historicized the concept of “childhood,” exploring how that concept has been mobilized by differing groups in society, and has also considered how experiences of childhood are constructed in relation to gender, economics, race and ethnicity, and other aspects of difference.[v]

The idea of socialization, which focuses on adult intentions in relation to an individual child’s preparation for the future, has been replaced by what William Corsaro has termed interpretive reproduction, or the idea that children create and participate in their own cultures by appropriating from adult culture to address their own concerns in relation to their peer culture.  Families of origin play an important role in interpretive reproduction, as they provide the first context in which young children come to learn about the cultures in which they live.  But also important are the cultures of their peers, which children begin to participate in at an early age.  Children thus almost immediately find themselves negotiating between two cultures: that of adults, and that of their peers.

Studies in the sociology of childhood therefore have also offered an important and contrasting view of what it means to grow up. Coming to be recognized as a certain kind of person is accomplished through interactions with others.  In the sociocultural perspective, identity is seen less as something young people achieve after an adolescent “identity crisis,” and more as an ongoing negotiation between oneself and the communities to which a child relates. Thus, replacing Piaget’s idea of “ages and stages,” sociologists studying childhood look at the cultures in which children make such negotiations as they are divided in relation to the school experience: in the U.S., preschoolers (ages 2 – 5), elementary school (usually ages 5 – 10), junior high (ages 11 – 13), high school (ages 14 – 18), and young adulthood (ages 18 – 25).

Negotiating the commercial environment has been a particular focus among those interested in the sociology of childhood, as western childhood is viewed as increasingly commercialized and oriented to the purchasing of goods.[vi] Allison Pugh’s study of how children and parents negotiate the purchasing of goods in relation to children’s desire to belong within their peer groups is a good example of this.[vii] Pugh considers how children as young as six incorporate references to commercial goods into their everyday conversations as a means for them to gain access into and participate in peer interactions. She argues that parents, recognizing that their children have a need to belong within their peer groups, acquiesce to buying things (including media products such as Gameboys and Playstations) not because they want to indulge their children, but because they want their children to be able to participate fully in their peer culture.  Pugh therefore helps us to understand an important connection between childhood, parenting, and the context of the commercial environment, recognizing that whereas the advertising industries have indeed worked to make certain products seem necessary for childhood, it is the culture of children themselves, and the desire of parents to see their children fitting into this culture, that drives how buying things becomes a means of conveying caring.

Pugh’s work offers a strong foundation for the current consideration of how parents and young people approach the issue of what children, preteens, and teens want when it comes to digital, mobile, and traditional media.  Parents, as we will see in this book, often engage in emotional work as they attempt to discern what kinds of digital, mobile, and traditional media their children should be able to access, and at which ages, in relation to their peer cultures.  And children perform emotional work as they negotiate with both their parents and their peers in relation to the needs and desires of both adult and peer culture.   These processes are further complicated by differences in expectations rooted in gender, ethnicity, income, and beliefs about authority and parental styles.

Much of the sociology of childhood literature in media studies developed out of a desire to challenge “the isolated encounter between individual child and the all-powerful screen that characterizes a great deal of academic research,” as David Buckingham has pointed out.[viii] Researchers have wanted to contest the idea that technological toys are a detriment to development by noting that young people actively engage in constructing the terms for their play.[ix] In media studies, scholars have explored how children create their own culture in relation to life in and outside of school settings, with particular emphasis on how they draw upon consumer culture yet sometimes also resist the intentions of mass consumer culture in their unexpected creativity.[x] It is common for media scholars to fall into two camps: those who are interested in protecting children from the potential hazards of the media, a position that inevitably begins with the perspective of adults and their concerns, and those who wish to begin with the child’s experience of media.  Whereas the next chapter addresses parental concerns, this chapter focuses on young peoples’ experiences and their peer cultures.  And those peer cultures take a particular shape in relation to the products offered through the media industries.

The Youth Market and the Big Six

In 2009, the Kaiser Family Foundation found that young people between the ages of 8 – 18 spent an average of 7 ½ hours consuming television, music, computers, video games, print and movies, and almost a third of that time was devoted to media multitasking.[xi] For all age groups, young people spent the greatest amount of time with television, followed by music, computers, and video games, although a jump in media use occurred when young people reach the 11 – 14 age group.[xii] Black and Hispanic young people spent significantly more time watching television each day, and more time listening to music and playing games, than their white peers of the same age.  Boys also spent more time in front of the screen than girls do, most of which is devoted to video games.[xiii]

Why young people spend so much time with media has a great deal to do with the organization of family life, as Henry Jenkins argued.[xiv] Families increasingly live some distance from work and school, and in many locales there is little sense of a neighborhood in which young people can play outdoors safely.  Now that parents are fearful that their younger and older children might encounter trouble due to a lack of supervision, young people spend more time in their own homes, and media provide a “safe” alternative to the outdoors.  Many parents bemoan this fear of the world outside the home, but there is little doubt that in recent decades, homes across the economic spectrum have become more media-rich in response to the privatization of home life, and young people have spent more time either in these homes or in highly supervised settings where they have only minutes to interact with other peers – making texting and cell phone an appealing alternative to spending time waiting for the next scheduled activity to start.

Stakeholders within the businesses related to digital, mobile, and traditional media know a great deal about what young people want.  They have to; otherwise, they would lose business.  This was illustrated in a popular television program produced in PBS’s Frontline series titled, Merchants of Cool, which claimed in 2001 that the youth market segment constituted an estimated $150 billion worth of spending a year.[xv]

The media are an important part of most children’s growing-up experiences, and children and young people are the targets of an ever-widening circle of cultural products that vie for their attention. As noted in the previous chapter, most of the media content that is received in people’s homes originates or has some connection to the “big six” global media conglomerates: General Electric, Disney, Viacom, Time Warner, News Corp, and CBS.  And other big players in the realm of digital and mobile media include Internet and cable service providers AT&T, Verizon, Comcast, and Cox, as well as electronics and related media conglomerates Sony, Apple Inc., and Microsoft. Each of these corporations aims to develop a market for children and young people through their various offerings, and they spend a great deal of money not only in discerning what young people want, but in attempting to create products that will satisfy those wants – and in creating more desires.

I don’t mean to suggest that the advertising and media industries are wholly responsible for manufacturing desires.  After all, as Colin Campbell has suggested, the roots of today’s consumerism are to be found not so much in the processes of production as in our Romantic human desires to experience ourselves as self-creating beings.[xvi] This desire is what the media industries capitalize on: a wish to feel, to experience life, and specifically a wish to feel loved, accepted, and capable of maintaining both a sense of ourselves and a sense of our relationships with others.  A romantic sense of self is not reserved for adults, as children, too, want to feel and experience themselves as self-creating and in relationships with others.  In this view, television programming, fictional books, video games, mobile phones, and other media products become cultural resources that do the work of allowing us to express to others and to ourselves who we are.  In some cases new media do this pragmatically, providing a conduit for us to contact others through cell phone, text communication, and digital communication.  Media also do this work symbolically, as we own commercially produced products such as mobile phones, televisions, and MP3s or iPods that say something to others about who we are.  And media also do this mythically, as they provide stories that resonate with us, giving us an opportunity to experience what it feels like to feel, and giving us meaningful, anchoring stories, music, and cultural touchpoints that we can then share with others in our everyday interactions.  The very youngest children do not have the direct purchasing power necessary to buy media for pragmatic or symbolic purposes, but with access to television, films, and music, they are able to participate in its mythic dimensions – and are heavily targeted by the television, book, film, and music industries as a result.

Preschool and Elementary Age Children

Disney, Viacom, and Time Warner dominate the media universe for young children between the ages of 2 and 10. They have recognized the role of imagination, play, aspiration, family relationships, and concerns about good and evil in the lives of young people, and have created stories, songs, and games to captivate young and old alike, although they have not done so without criticism.[xvii] Disney’s numerous animated classics first opened the market for children’s films in 1937 with Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and went on to establish the viability of a children’s market with Pinocchio, Dumbo, Bambi, Cinderella, Peter Pan, and many more recent classics, such as Finding Nemo, the Toy Story series, Bolt, Wall*E and Cars in collaboration with Pixar Studios (also owned by Disney). Disney’s Playhouse Disney offers Little Einsteins and My Friends Tigger and Pooh for this same age group, and Radio Disney appeals to young listeners and their families.

Nickelodeon (owned by Viacom) reaches some of the youngest media consumers as well, airing such popular television programs as Go, Diego, Go!, Dora the Explorer, SpongeBob Squarepants, Blue’s Clues, and Fairly OddParents, which were the most popular television programs among children aged 2 to 5.[xviii] Partnering with Paramount Studios (also a Viacom property), Nickelodeon Movies has also released Harriet the Spy, the Rugrats movie and television series, Charlotte’s Web, and The Spiderwick Chronicles.

PBS Kids and PBS Kids Sprout on Demand (the latter a joint venture of Comcast and PBS), also hold appeal among this preschool age group, with programs such as Teletubbies, Dragon Tales, Bob the Builder, and educational programs such as Between the Lions.

Television and film viewing increases as children enter their late elementary school years, in part because parents provide more freedom for children of this age group to make more of their own decisions about the time they are not spending in school, and in part because attention spans lengthen, making films, television series, video games, and musical artists more viable options for unscheduled time.  Those between the ages of 8 and 10 spend about 3 ½ hours a day watching television, about an hour each listening to music or playing video games, and less than an hour on the computer.[xix]

Time Warner is one of the largest content providers for these older elementary school children.  With the production of the eight Harry Potter films, Time Warner has firmly established the upper elementary age film audience, as all of the Potter films are among the thirty highest-grossing films of all time.[xx] Cartoon Network, a subsidiary of Time Warner, also targets children over the age of 7 with television programs, with such popular fare as Ben 10, Johnny Bravo, Ed, Edd, & Eddy, reality programs such as Destroy, Build, Destroy, and Dude, What Would Happen? Time Warner also owns the CW television network, home of Yu-Gi-Oh!, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Tiny Toon Adventures, and Animaniacs; Hanna-Barbera television, and Warner Bros. television, with cartoons such as Bugs Bunny and Road Runner.

Viacom has similarly had success in appealing to older elementary age children.  In the first decade of the new millennium, Paramount Pictures and Dreamworks Studio (both owned by Viacom) released the Shrek series, Chicken Run, Kung Fu Panda, Over the Hedge, and How to Train Your Dragon, among others. The Nickelodeon series Sponge Bob SquarePants, a Viacom property as noted above, has popularity that extends from the youngest age group through some high school and college students. Nickelodeon, Disney, 20th Century Fox (NewsCorp), and Cartoon Network (Time Warner) all have strong crossover appeal from younger to older elementary aged children, with programs such as Disney’s The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, The Suite Life on Deck, and Hannah Montana, Disney’s High School Musical franchise, Nickelodeon’s iCarly, and 20th Century Fox’s (owned by Newscorp) releases of the Ice Age series, the X-Men series, the Night at the Museum series, and others such as Percy Jackson and the Olympians and Dr. Seuss’s Horton Hears a Who!

Nearly every one of these popular television programs has had multiple product tie-ins, including books, figures, toys, and music. In recent years, several of these franchises have been extended to computer games, in concert with the rising use of computers among younger and younger children.  One study found that by 2008, nearly two thirds of children between the ages of 3 and 5 could use a mouse to point and click, more than a third could turn on the computer by themselves, and more than half of 3 to 5 year olds had used a computer by themselves.[xxi] The big growth area, according to several sources, was in virtual worlds.  By 2010, there were close to 67 million registered users of virtual worlds in the 5 to 10-year-old age group.[xxii] The most popular of these worlds for the 6- to 10-year-old age group included Club Penguin, purchased by Disney in 2007 for $700 million, when had increased its registered users by 329% over the previous year.[xxiii] Webkinz World, owned by Ganz and appealing to 8- to 11-year-olds, claimed nearly 4 million unique visitors each month in 2010.  Neopets, purchased by Viacom in 2005 for $160 million and appealing to 8- to 11-year-olds as well as a slightly older female audience, received about 1.5 million unique visitors each month in 2010.[xxiv] Also growing in popularity was the Nintendo Wii, which quickly developed a niche as an intergenerational and participatory gaming system and broke the record for best-selling console in December of 2009.[xxv]

Preteens & Teens

Media consumption of all kinds reaches its peak among young people in the 11 – 14 age bracket.  At this age, young people spend an average of 12 hours a day with media, and 5 of those hours are devoted to television viewing (this includes viewing live television as well as time shifted and prerecorded programming viewed on a television set, computer, or mobile device).[xxvi] Teens and preteens spent an average of just under 2 hours a day on the computer, participating in social networking, gaming, viewing YouTube and other videos, or instant messaging. Another hour and a half a day are devoted to video game-playing, although the average number of hours spent on gaming is significantly higher among boys than girls. Although watching and producing YouTube videos has not yet been measured,[xxvii] this site made it possible for young people to not only create and upload their own videos, but also to imitate their favorite commercials and produce memes, or their own versions of videos that had gained a substantial following, such as Charlie Bit My Finger, Soulja Boy, and others. Preteens and teens could also document, and share with others, scenes of their divorcing parents fighting, house parties out of control, and their own risqué behavior.[xxviii]

By 2009, 69 percent in this age group owned a cell phone, devoting on average more than an hour a day to texting and at least 30 minutes to talking.[xxix] Teens sent and received an average of 2,272 messages a month in 2008, a figure that continued to climb through 2010.[xxx] The Apple iPhone (AT&T), Motorola Droid (Verizon), T-Mobile G1 and Blackberry Storm (Verizon) were favorites of teens in 2010, although phone purchases depend to a great extent on who is paying the bills and what that payer’s mobile service provider offers. [xxxi] Three quarters of young people between the ages of 11 – 14 engage in media multitasking on any given day, spending time watching tv, gaming, listening to music, reading, or texting or talking on the phone.[xxxii]

For this age group, NewsCorp is a significant, if often controversial, content provider and distributor.[xxxiii] NewsCorp owns the Fox Broadcasting Company and Fox stations, as well as 20th Century Fox (Avatar, as well as the John Hughes classics The Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off) and Fox Television Studios (including American Idol, The Simpsons, and Family Guy, as well as vintage teen programming such as Beverly Hills 90210 and The O.C.). NewsCorp also owns numerous book publishers including HarperCollins and HarperTeen. NewsCorp’s 2006 purchase of myspace.com marked the largest amount paid for a social networking system to date and gave NewsCorp even greater entre into the preteen and teen market.

Time Warner is another significant player for this age group, as they are part owners of the CW television group (the successor of the WB and UPN networks, once home to Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dawson’s Creek, Gilmore Girls, Gossip Girl, and Supernatural).  Time Warner also owns such teen mainstays as AOL Instant Messenger and Teen People, DC Comics, and Mad Magazine.

But in this age group as well, the biggest content provider is Viacom, which owns Paramount Pictures (the Twilight film saga, Star Trek franchise, the Raiders of the Lost Ark franchise, the Friday the 13th franchise, Iron Man I & II, Paranormal Activity).  Viacom also owns Dreamworks Studios, TeenNick (a division of Nickelodeon, which has aired Degrassi: The Next Generation, Drake and Josh, and Full House), MTV, MTV2, MTV Films (Napoleon Dynamite, Beavis and Butthead Do America, Jackass: The Movie), BET, Comedy Central, Addicting Games (free downloadable and live play games), Quizilla, Rhapsody (the music sharing service), the magazine Virtual Worlds, and Nickelodeon Movies, among other holdings.

By 2010, one quarter of those aged 8 to 12 who had the Internet at home reported having a profile on Facebook, myspace, or Bebo, and Neopets had 16 million users.[xxxiv] There were more than 260 million registered users of virtual worlds among the 10-to-15-year-old age group at that time. The most populated virtual worlds, World of Warcraft and Second Life, were each owned by smaller companies as of this writing (Blizzard Entertainment and Linden Lab, respectively).  These games did not gain popularity among teens until after first reaching young adult and adults in the years between 2005 – 2008.  World of Warcraft reached 11.5 million users by the end of 2008 and has remained the most popular massively multiplayer online role-playing game (MMORPG) among teens and adults.[xxxv] For the 10-to-15 year-old age group, Habbo Hotel had the largest number of visitors in 2010, with upwards of 15 million unique visitors a month thanks to tie-ins with the Twilight film series and MTV.[xxxvi] Eight million young people spent time in virtual worlds in 2008, with that number expected to swell to 15 million by 2013.[xxxvii] As of January 2009, there were 112 virtual worlds for kids and another 80 in development.[xxxviii]

So how do these media products say something about who we are?  As noted earlier, they do this in three ways: practically, symbolically, and mythically.  As such, media become important cultural markers in our interactions with others, and they do this as they are filtered through our experiences of race, gender, and economic background.[xxxix] We turn to the stories of several young people who shed light on how media become part of the stories young people employ as they tell themselves and others about who they are and how they fit into their peer cultures.  This self-expression in the context of peers constitutes an important part of what young people want, particularly as they enter their preteen and teen years.  The chapter concludes as we consider how they engaged in emotional work to do this.

Seeking Recognition and Acceptance

Stephanie’s first use of the gaming site Neopets (owned by Viacom) grew out of a pragmatic desire: she wanted to be a part of the “fad” that was sweeping through her fourth grade classroom, and the computers in her school’s lab enabled her to join this then-new virtual world.  Stephanie, a bright Asian American young woman who grew up in the U.S. Midwest, recalled that she first joined Neopets when she was ten years old.[xl] Together, she and her other school friends would sneak into the school’s computer lab before the class had started so that they could spend some time on the site. With its kid-friendly look and colorful interface as well as the appeal of owning and raising a virtual pet, those in her age group greeted Neopets with enthusiasm. Participating in Neopets began as a social experience for her within her immediate peer group, as classmates would call out to each other and would cheer each other on as they competed in the site’s Tug-of-War game. Her parents recognized the value of Neopets in relation to this belonging, and they supported her interest at home by allowing her to use the family computer to log onto the game as well, although they also established limits: Stephanie could spend 30 minutes on the Neopets site after her homework was completed.

When she was an upper elementary school aged child, Neopets enabled Stephanie to experiment with structures of the adult world, introducing her to the largely adult cultures of banking and child care through its mythical storylines. She enjoyed caring for the pet she created on the site, and played games to earn Neopoints so that she could purchase food, books, and toys for her pet. With her accumulated Neopoints, she opened a Junior Saver bank account, and once she’d saved even more points, she was able to qualify for a higher interest rate.  As she became engaged in the site’s opportunities for growing and caring for her pet, she also became invested in the mythical dimension of the game, inserting herself into the pre-existing storyline and creating something new within its borders.

As the Neopets site grew more familiar over time, Stephanie and her peers also began to discover the site’s Neoboards.  Contacts she had through these boards enabled Stephanie to begin to see the site’s potential beyond the initial play she’d enjoyed.  She learned from these boards that her chosen pet “wasn’t cool enough,” as she said, so she began to strive to “morph my pet into an elite species-color combination, get her stats up, equip her with powerful weapons, acquire more pets, expand her item gallery, and build an impressive Neohome.”  Stephanie, who was a high achiever in school, was similarly drawn to the opportunity to create a distinctive and impressive Neopet in a virtual world.  She developed skill in the site’s games but then also went on to learn how she might gain more Neopoints through investing and reselling goods on the site as well as through getting published in the virtual world’s Neopian Times.  By the time she was 14, Stephanie had acquired an elite avatar that garnered her the attention and respect of others on the site.  She had also established herself as a contributing writer, and enjoyed receiving feedback and suggestions for the poetry and short stories she submitted to the site.  By then, when most of her school peers were finding other pursuits, what had begun as a peer-related amusement for Stephanie had morphed into an outlet for her personal expression and support for her interest in developing her writing skills. Thus Stephanie found a great deal of symbolic value in Neopets as her own needs for belonging and support changed and developed through her early and mid teen years.  As she noted, “Returning home after school to a handful of friendly Neomails was always a wonderful experience for me.”  Although her parents continued to see the value in her participation in Neopets, the decision to remain a part of the Neopets world didn’t come without costs.  Because most of her peers regarded the game as a children’s diversion, Stephanie stated that she rarely admitted to playing the game when she was among her acquaintances from school.  To do so would be to place herself in a precarious position with her peers, who might consider her interest in Neopets a sign that she was immature or more interested in childhood interests than in those deemed more appropriately teen-oriented by her peer group.  But through her online activities, Stephanie was able to expand her social network and make new friends that shared her interests in writing and that did not share her peers’ negative view of Neopets.  By her teen years, her use of the digital realm was consistent with what Mimi Ito and her colleagues identified as “interest-driven” media use, allowing Stephanie to carve out a space for herself that was apart from the context of school and peers, and in which she could develop and experience a sense of self-identity for which she found affirmation and support.[xli] Because she appreciated the symbolic value of being a contributor to Neopets when she was on the site, but recognized that others in her peer group might disparage her for this interest, she symbolically distanced herself from the game when she was among her school peers, rarely claiming her affiliation as a means to not jeopardize the view that her older peers held of her.

Young people like Stephanie get a sense of who they are in relation to other people in their lives, and so their backgrounds, including their social class, gender, and ethnicity, play a role in shaping their options and their experiences. They need to figure out how to interact with others in ways that satisfy their needs for recognition and acceptance by others.  As they engage in what the sociologist Erving Goffman referred to as “impression management,” such interactions are then internalized and become a part of a cultural script.[xlii]

With the proliferation of social network sites, online gaming, and virtual worlds, young people today are increasingly “writing themselves and their communities into being” as they embrace and embody an identity online.[xliii] They have a sense that, like prior generations, they have to figure this out for themselves, within the context that is unique to this moment in time.  They have to negotiate with the “publicness” of the digital spaces in which they are doing the work of impression management. They also have to come to grips with the overwhelmingly commercial context that shapes their environment. They rely on commercial brands and images – or consciously avoid those brands and images, as in Stephanie’s case — to convey to others who they think they are or want to be.  They also rely on celebrity culture and its brands to present themselves to others in a manner similar to the ways in which celebrities present themselves in the public spaces young people see around them all the time.

Being Part of the Group, yet Distinct

Conversations with 18-year-old Taylor illustrated some of the work young people do as they try to figure out who they are, who they want to be, and who they want to relate to in the context of a youth culture that is public, commercialized, and shaped by knowledge of celebrities and their self-presentations.  Initially he approached social networking sites both pragmatically and symbolically: they were both an important way in which he could be in touch with his friends, and the profile he created on SNSs symbolically gave him visibility among a wider network of peers (as to have no profile would convey his lack of interest in this wider network).  An amiable young man with stylishly messy hair and an easygoing smile, Taylor said that when he first put up a profile on the social networking site myspace (owned by NewsCorp) at age 15, he wanted to convey the image that he was a “punk skater who was against everything mainstream.”[xliv] So, he said of his online profile, “I had a lot of skate company layouts and I would always put on punk metal songs.  I would always post pictures of skating and snowboarding.”[xlv] He wanted to be seen by his peers as someone who was fun, athletic, active, and “not mainstream,” so he used his online profile to portray a certain “look.”  And although he didn’t say it, he knew what that “look” was because he had grown up surrounded by images of fun, athletic, non-mainstream celebrities such as snowboarders Tony Hawk, Shaun White, and Ryan Sheckler, and was aware of the more crude and daring versions of non-mainstream celebrities such as Johnny Knoxville and the stars of Cartoon Network’s Dude, What Would Happen?.   He’d seen the “look” imitated and repackaged over and over in reality television programs like Survivor and MTV’s The Real World, on sports programs like ESPN’s X Games, and in numerous music and sports videos, as well as in ads for video games, candy, soft drinks, clothes, and in men’s magazines. He borrowed from those images and sounds to say something about who he was and how he wanted to be understood. Without a trace of irony, he spoke of how he drew upon these elements of the very mainstream of commercial and celebrity culture to portray himself as “non-mainstream.” Taylor thus sought to use myspace pragmatically, as a means of connecting with his peers, symbolically, as a means of existing in peer culture, and he also drew on media mythically, borrowing popular cultural references from skateboarding magazines, programs, advertisements, and celebrities to say something about himself.

But that was early in his high school years.  Later on, Taylor said, he found that his online profile was turning people off.  “A lot of people” told him that they thought he was cocky and vain based on his online profile.  So, he said,

I took off all the shirtless pictures of me.  Now I have more pictures of me in choir, more pictures of me showing that I’m the loving boyfriend, that I’m the loving brother, all that.  I used to not have anything to show that I was caring or loving.

Conscious of the fact that his peers spent time looking at the profiles of others online, Taylor changed his profile to better reflect who he thought he “really” was and how he wanted others to understand him.  Although his “good friends” already knew him, he recognized that social networking sites permitted acquaintances to look at his profile and consider whether or not they wanted to get to know him better, so he altered his online profile to better suit the needs and expectations of this larger circle of acquaintances.  And as he grew older, he came to share his acquaintances’ negative views about borrowing too heavily from the commercial realm when putting together an online profile, and he looked with some disdain at other young people who did what he once had done:

There are so many girls that post pictures that are all skanky, that have them posing in bathing suits, and then they have depressing suicidal poems.  I’m sitting here thinking, ‘You’re a happy person, you’re not a slut, what the hell are you doing?’

Be authentic to who you are, Taylor seemed to be saying; you don’t have to be a mook or a mid-riff, to borrow language that’s been used to describe the archetypal teen images of the goofy and fun-loving guy and the sexy but troubled girl.[xlvi] But presenting yourself digitally as you are “in real life” is something that takes some time and thought, as evidenced in Taylor’s own transformation from one who borrowed from the mook image to say something about himself to one who criticized those (in this case girls) who did such borrowing.  Young people like Taylor do a fair amount of experimenting, and much of it seems to be directed toward adjusting the presentation of self to achieve the desired results from their peers so as to receive positive reinforcement from their peers about who they “really” are, just as Stephanie did as she left out her participation in Neopets from the story she told school peers about who she was. Today’s parents used to do this same kind of identity work by trying out different fashions, developing appreciation for certain music, or participating in sports teams or clubs; young people like Taylor are simply adding online expression to the longstanding teen portfolio of efforts designed to come to better know who we are and to seek recognition and acceptance among peers.

As he grew older, Taylor also started to think differently about the way that he approached social networking sites. In his later high school years, Taylor noted, he saw Facebook and to a lesser extent myspace not so much as a place to display some image of himself, but pragmatically as a place where he could communicate with his friends. And although he said that this was the main point of his time spent on social networking sites, he was still aware of how his status updates and other online postings “played” for an imagined audience that was not limited to his close friends.  For instance, when asked if he ever changed his status specifically because he wanted one or more of his friends to comment on it, he replied adamantly, “NO.  I’ll tell people how I’m feeling.  I don’t care if you comment on it or not.  I’m not putting it out there for a specific person to see.  I’m putting it out there for everyone to see.”  Even when discussing the benefits of relating to close friends through social network sites, therefore, we see the influence of symbolic participation, voyeurism, and celebrity culture in Taylor’s comment that “everyone” is the intended audience for what he posted there. Taylor wanted to be accepted and recognized by his close friends, but the public nature of social network sites meant that he also was somewhat cognizant of the fact that a large audience could form an impression of him based primarily on what he posted.  That process of forming an impression might have less in common with how a person relates to someone in their immediate social circle, and more in common with how a person relates to a little-known celebrity that has a potential audience of “everyone.” Sites like Twitter, Facebook, and myspace create “micro-celebrities” all the time, and like many young people, Taylor preferred to cultivate this possibility rather than consciously limiting access to his online persona to only his close friends.

In Taylor’s comments, we can see examples of the publicness, the commercial, and the celebrity-driven aspects of the contexts in which young people today figure out who they are, how they want to be recognized, and who they want to relate to.  Through social networking sites like Facebook, myspace, and Twitter, young people like Taylor give public expression to how they want to be seen and understood to be. Taylor’s story illustrates how challenging it can be to escape the commercial realm that permeates and feeds on youthful life in this process of expressing one’s self. As noted earlier, corporations like Viacom and NewsCorp have long worked to associate certain mediated products for sale with desirable youthful lifestyles, and thus young people frequently and unconsciously draw on the commercial realm to convey something about themselves, whether it’s in digital form or in older ways like wearing branded t-shirts or buying certain products.  Even those who seek to depart from commercial influence can run into difficulties and have to work at being “logo-free” – something that usually happens only when young people conscientiously join the anti-globalization, anti-corporate movement.[xlvii] It is easier for young people to simply ignore the associations between corporate brands and lifestyles than to consciously reject them.

Taylor’s story also points to the influence of the celebrity-driven culture in which young people are growing up.  Teens and preteens may or may not want to be famous, but they do want to be well thought of and thus they approach social networking sites as an invitation for further interactions. And although young people increasingly set limits on who can access all of their information, they still know that people they may not even know might google them to look at their photos or writings at any time.  They can set limits to some things, but they also are growing up in a context where they know that they have to deal with the potential for publicness, and with the prospect for future friends or girlfriends/boyfriends on the line, they often have more incentive to be open to “everyone” than to limit access.  Because celebrities have long had to navigate this line between private life and life that is available for public consumption, they serve as models for how young people go about drawing these lines for themselves.  Young people today experience themselves in ways that are like celebrities, managing their private lives and what they are willing to make available for public or semi-public consumption.  And this creates new dilemmas as they seek to manage their identities and their relationships with others, particularly in the area of how to share enough but not too much information about themselves online.

Learning the Social Norms (Not TMI or Too Much Information)

Sometimes, these lines between what is said to close friends and what is available for more public consumption get drawn in relation to the media that young people use pragmatically to communicate with different members of their social circles.  As 16-year-old Jessica, a young Latina woman from a lower income background noted, “I talk to close friends like with texting or talking on the phone, and then I talk to people I’m not as close to on myspace.  I still talk to my good friends on myspace, but not as much.” The closer the relationship, the more likely the young person will have multiple ways of being in contact with that person. But the possibilities for overlap between the audiences of close friends and of acquaintances present new challenges for young people as they try to present themselves in ways that are general enough for “public” consumption, and authentic and specific enough for those who are closest to them.  They need to figure out ways to be self-revelatory without revealing too much more than what “everybody” would want to know.

The challenge in figuring out how much self-revelation is enough but not too much is a real problem, for being too revealing can be interpreted as a sign of neediness or insecurity, as 16-year-old Korinna’s comments suggest:

My friend – .  Well, she’s not my friend.  Marta, she like writes, ‘today was horrible.  In math class I couldn’t figure out this problem.’  She like went through her whole day, like people care.  Like honestly, I don’t.  People may.  Their comments are like for her good friends.  It’s like no one cares to read this except your close friends.

Korinna’s not-friend Marta was using the technology in a way that Korinna deemed inappropriate, revealing too much of her personal life in what Korinna considered a public forum.  Even as young people feel the need to be self-revealing in order to indicate that they are open to friendships and relationships, they also come to know that they do not want to reveal too much.  When young people update their online profiles so often that others begin to think of them as insecure or needy, they receive negative feedback from their peers, either directly or indirectly.

In the case of Korinna’s comment, the feedback was indirect, as Marta was not present to hear it.  Yet after Korinna made the disparaging remarks about her not-friend Marta, an interesting discussion emerged among her middle class friends.  “Caitlyn posts like stories and poems online,” Adriana pointed out after Korinna’s comments about Marta.  Another friend named Bella agreed with Korinna and then challenged Caitlyn directly: “Yeah, why do you want the whole world to read your diary?.” “Yeah, diaries are where you keep your secrets.  I don’t share those with a lot of people,” Korinna added, reiterating her point about the need to avoid sharing too much information online.  “Anyway, I get bored reading peoples’ blogs,” Bella then said, finding something that they could all agree on that would take the pressure away from Caitlin, and so Adriana quickly agreed, “So do I.”  But then Caitlyn defended her own practices of online writing by distancing herself from the overly self-revelatory writing style of the non-friend Marta.  Instead of talking about the self-revelatory stories and poems she had posted, she discussed her own writings in more of a mean-girl tone that, similar to Korinna’s comment, had made fun of not-friends who made too much information available online:

I’ve blogged about like break-ups.  About Hannah’s break-up, and how she blogged about it for like a year after they’re still broken up.  And every day there’s something new about it.  That’s pretty much it.  I usually don’t read them.  It gets kinds of dramatic, and it gets kind of boring after a while.

Others then chimed in that they, too, would read other peoples’ profiles and blogs when they were “really bored.”  And anyway, as Korinna later pointed out, she didn’t use myspace as much as she used to.  “I don’t really have the time,” she said, and her friends all agreed.  “Everybody got into it, but it just kind of died down,” her friend Adriana observed.

Somehow, young people needed to determine for themselves the “right” amount of time they were spending online in social network sites, texting, twittering, or IMing. Or at least they needed to adopt the position that they weren’t spending “too much” time on the self-presentation aspects of these things.  They talked about their use of these sites in a way that is in keeping with the norm of an appropriately busy teen life.  “I’m way too busy, I don’t have the time, like with homework and church and stuff,” as Selena, a young woman from a lower-income high school explained when asked why she didn’t use myspace or Facebook regularly. “It’s a cool way to keep in touch with people who are far away,” Nora, a young woman from a middle income background noted with a shrug. In contrast, caring too much about one’s online or offline identity certainly wasn’t cool.

Being Distinct at a Cost

Marta may not have consciously decided to reveal more than was considered acceptable among her peers, although if she learned that others believed this about her, she would be faced with a decision: she could either change her practice and adopt a new narrative to better reflect peer norms, as Taylor did, or she could decide to accept the fact that some might disapprove but continue her online practices anyway, as Stephanie did.  In the case of lower income teens, sometimes the decisions were wrapped in expectations related to class. Tanya Cortez, a lower income 13-year-old, experienced the difficulty of recognizing that her mother’s and her teacher’s concept of her placed her relationship with digital media at odds with what her cousins, who were part of her immediate peer group, thought was normal and acceptable.

It all began when Tanya’s mother Elsa decided to switch Tanya to a charter school. At 12, Tanya had tested into a gifted and talented program, but the closest school with such a program was several miles from their home.  Elsa made the difficult decision to switch Tanya as well as her two younger siblings to the school that had the gifted and talented program, which meant that Elsa and her husband John needed to patch together a complicated system of driving their unreliable car when it was workable, using public transport when available, and relying on Elsa’s brother to get them to and from school as an emergency measure.

Everyone in Tanya’s immediate family was happy with the new school and particularly with the support Tanya received from her new teacher, and Tanya’s parents took great pride in their children’s success in the program.  But a problem quickly emerged: in order to do her 6th grade homework during her second year at the school, Tanya needed to have high speed Internet access, and Tanya’s family’s computer equipment was outdated and their cell phone did not have data access.  Elsa’s brother offered that Tanya could come to his house to use their family’s computer, so Tanya began alternating between going to her uncle’s house after school and heading for the public library to use the computer there.

Tanya’s uncle had remarried and they had two 16-year-olds, a daughter and a stepdaughter, living at their home and attending the school system that Tanya and her siblings had left. Both of these young women badgered Tanya about her explicit desire to succeed in school.  They saw Tanya’s interest in participating in interviews about digital media as yet another example of something she was trying to do in order to “better” herself, particularly when Tanya agreed to organize a discussion group with these two cousins for the study that formed the basis of this book.  During the discussion group with the three of them (to which the two cousins showed up more than an hour late), one of Tanya’s older cousins egged her on, demanding that Tanya rather than the cousin answer the interviewer’s questions.  Speaking to Tanya, she said: “Go ahead, Miss Professional.”  At this, the other cousin turned to me and explained:

Cousin I: We make fun of her ‘cause of the way she’s been talking to people (such as the interviewer).

Tanya: Because I present myself in a professional manner.

Cousin II (mimicking Tanya): “I present myself in a professional manner.” (both cousins then look at each other and laugh)

It is not difficult to imagine the kind of resistance Tanya might have encountered as she attempted to use the computer at her cousins’ house for homework. It was clear that her interest in using the computer for online access, along with the decision to attend a school outside of the neighborhood, marked Tanya as different from her cousins.  For Tanya, using her uncle’s or the library’s computer for online access was already difficult given her family’s transportation and ongoing financial challenges.  She held on tenuously to the hopes her family and her teacher had invested in her, which put her at odds with her cousins and the peers in her neighborhood who attended her old school.  She had asked her parents to consider getting online access at their home, but because she realized that they could not afford it and because she had no other alternative, she made do with what she could.

Tanya’s desire to use the library’s and her uncle’s computer arose pragmatically as a result of her school’s homework expectations, but quickly, her cousins vested her practices with a symbolic weight.  They saw her as aspiring, which in turn they viewed as a judgment against their neighborhood.  This slight needed to be addressed through intimidation and bluster so that the cousins could save face at Tanya’s expense.  Tanya’s wish to use digital media for her homework and possibly for the betterment that her parents and teachers desired of her was admirable.  It was also not without poignant emotional costs.

Negotiating Media and Identity through Emotional Work

Each of the young people discussed in this chapter engaged in emotional work as they sought to negotiate their self-concepts, their digital and real life self-representations, and their understandings of peer expectations in settings that were shaped by the social norms of their peer groups. The emotional work of these young people was rooted in the sense that they wanted to belong and at the same time they wanted to view themselves and to be viewed by others as distinct individuals.  So, while praise from peers could provide some happiness, becoming a target (or even a potential target) for criticism felt painful and required either some adjustment of self-concept, or an adjustment of self-presentation that would better meet the expectations of the peer group. The digital, mobile, and traditional media both provided young people with the pragmatic, symbolic, and mythical tools for expressing themselves, and significantly shaped the context in which such interactions and negotiations between peers took place.

Stephanie found in Neopets both a place in which she could participate in the peer culture of her school when she was in her upper elementary years, and later a place where she could experiment by learning skills – first with game play and later with creative writing — in order to fulfill her desire for achievement.  As a 10-year-old, she needed to engage in emotional work with her parents, demonstrating to them over time that she could maintain a good homework routine in order to earn her right to devote 30 minutes a day to game play.  As a mid-teen, she needed to engage in emotional work with her peers, keeping her interest in Neopets largely hidden and enjoying her Neopian experience as something that was apart from the pressures of peer culture and was rewarding for its contributions to her self-concept as an emerging writer.  Rather than change her self-concept as a member of the Neopian universe, she changed her self-presentation, guarding her interests so as to maintain a positive impression among her school peers.  In doing this, she also adopted a more self-conscious self-concept of herself as a continuing member and, later, contributor to Neopets, adopting a new narrative that took pride in her accomplishments as a writer and helper of other, younger participants in that virtual world.

Taylor, too, engaged in emotional work in the negotiations between self-concept, digital and real self-representations, and peer expectations.  In his early teen years, he wanted to represent himself in a way that was considered acceptable to his peers, adopting a certain “look” from commercial culture in the construction of his Facebook page.  Yet when he received negative comments from peers, he adjusted his self-presentation.  He, too, adopted a new narrative in his later teen years, making negative judgments against those who were too involved in worrying about their presentation (as he once was) so as to contrast himself with that less desirable characteristic of self-consciousness.  At the same time, however, he also developed a more self-conscious approach to how he wanted to be perceived by others, engaging in a studied casualness when he distanced himself from those who were too concerned about appearances.

Marta’s not-friends Korinna, Caitlyn, Ariana and Bella were engaging in emotional work as they discussed Marta’s use of her online profile.  Korinna criticized Marta passionately as a way to distance herself from what she perceived as a violation of peer norms of not offering too much information.  Bella’s challenge to Caitlyn that she similarly made online blog entries made it necessary for Caitlyn to engage in emotional work, trying to save face by distancing herself from Marta’s practice and finding her own way to criticize those who overshared.  The friends eventually found a less emotionally fraught topic to agree on, and all asserted that they were more often than not “bored” with social networking sites and only visited them when there was nothing else to do.  Like Taylor, there was a studied casualness in their description of their relationship with social network sites, belied by their clear attention to who was doing what in various online spaces.

Tanya, like Stephanie, found that her usage of digital media was at odds with the expectations of her closest peers.  Yet unlike Stephanie, Tanya had a much more limited community of support, including her parents, her teachers, and peers in her school that likely lived in less financially challenged neighborhoods than Tanya did.  Tanya’s emotional work was based on the weighing of future promise against present discomfort, which is a difficult calculus for young people whose limited life experiences lead them to privilege immediate gratification over longer-term benefits.  Of all of the young people interviewed, what Tanya wanted in relation to digital, mobile, and traditional media was rife with conflicts whose outcomes potentially had a much greater weight on the eventual life chances she would encounter.

Each of these examples reveals some things about what young people want from digital, mobile, and traditional media that relate to much longer-standing practices of identity-formation and work toward peer belonging that have long defined the elementary, preteen, and teen years. Young people today want recognition and acceptance for who they really are and who they believe themselves to be, and they want to experience themselves as belonging.  But there are new challenges that have arisen because of the digital and mobile media, such as the need to weigh how to reveal enough online to seem accessible without revealing so much that you come across as needy and insecure, the need to reveal something of yourself so that others you care about will recognize and acknowledge you without relying so heavily on the commercial that your friends and acquaintances might see you as overly narcissistic or cocky, and the need to engage in digitally enhanced interest-driven pursuits like gaming or academics without alienating yourself from peer cultures that might not offer support for such practices.

Where Do Parents Fit In?

As parents recognize and show appreciation for their children, they are helping them through this process and this time of life.[xlviii] Parents need to demonstrate a continued willingness to accept the fact that young peoples’ self-perceptions will sometimes seem changeable and inconsistent to adults. Parents need to be patient, recognizing that children are engaged in an important process of figuring out who they are, and like the peer culture that surrounds them, the digital, mobile, and traditional media envelops them into ways of thinking and feeling that shape their interactions with family and friends.

Parents are not complete outsiders to the decisions that young people need to make in relation to the digital and mobile media in their lives, of course. After all, Stephanie’s parents granted her access to Neopets, Taylor and Marta’s parents provided a computer with high speed Internet access that allowed each of them to experiment with self-presentation and response, and Tanya’s parents helped arrange for Tanya’s use of needed equipment in order to pursue her academics.

Yet sometimes, because of the self-revelatory aspects of social networking sites and the peer-specific nature of the communication that goes on in these and other places, teens can end up in unanticipated situations where they both have to make moral decisions that relate to the lives and well-being of others, and they have to figure out where adults might appropriately fit in. For instance, they might learn from their friends about drug use or about eating disorders.  And they might learn these things passively; not because their friends tell them of these problems directly, but because the evidence is present in the photos and status updates that are available for “everyone,” making it difficult for particular “someones” to know how to respond.  Young people then find that they have to decide what to do about this knowledge that may not have been intended for them directly. Do they seek out their parents for advice on things like this?  In order to do so, they need to be sure that they can trust their parents to understand the complexities of the situation, and the costs associated with all of the possible options for response.

Although teens such as Taylor, Stephanie, Korinna and Tanya might act as if parents are somewhat or completely out of touch with their world and experiences, these and other young people expressed longing for adults who would listen to them empathically. This desire for empathic adults is expressed mythically in the media stories that appeal to them: they want a mother like Lorelai Gilmore of the Gilmore Girls; they want a father figure like Harry Potter’s Dumbledore or Frodo’s Gandalf; they want a “perfect parent” who, like dgmkerry444’s quiz, provides young people with the technology they believe they need when they need it.  They want and need parents who can be responsive and flexible, and who are concerned overall with fostering and maintaining a positive connection with the young people in their lives.

Many parents are intentional about helping young people to recognize that there are different kinds of communication that are appropriate for differing relationships and for different situations, and many parents do talk to their children about the basics such as when to email, when to send a note, or when to call.[xlix] What is more difficult, as we will see in chapters that follow, comes up in knowing when to preserve confidentiality, when to curtail the access to information and images, and when to deal with issues on a friend-to-friend level as opposed to when an adult should be involved.

Speaking to the concerns of parents and policymakers, media scholars David Buckingham and Sonia Livingstone have each argued that parents and other stakeholders need to move beyond the dichotomy of either abject pessimism about the negative influences of media or halcyon optimism about the “digital generation.”[l] Both also are concerned to note that with digital and mobile technologies it has become impossible to protect young people from the adult worlds of commercialism, violence, and politics, and therefore, new strategies are needed that take into consideration both their identity and developmental needs as well as their continued need for protection of their rights as citizens and consumers.[li]

Some of the work in the sociology of childhood tradition has begun to consider the role of parent/child interactions and their effects on media use.  Keri Facer and her colleagues have argued, for instance, that when parents maintain a positive attitude toward sharing and supporting their children’s Internet use, they were able to enhance their children’s opportunities in a variety of venues.[lii] Similarly, Heather Horst argued that parents and their children share mutual interests as they collaborate together on media projects in a manner that contributes to the construction of a positive family identity.[liii] These issues bridge from what young people want to what parents want, and the latter is the subject for the next chapter.


[ii] Need cite on women as primary caregivers & other changing caregiving demos.

[iii] Cosaro, 1997; Qvortrup, 1994; Thorne, 1987, 2003.

[iv] William A. Corsaro, The Sociology of Childhood, 2nd ed., 2004.

[v] Fass, 2000; Mintz, 2006; Zelizer, 1994

[vi] Juliet Schor, Viviana Zelizer

[vii] Allison Pugh, Longing and Belonging: Parents, children, and consumer culture.  University of California Press, 2009.

[viii] Buckingham, 1993, p. 19.

[ix] On technology as detriment to development, see Levin & Rosenquest, 2001; Palmer, 2006.  On children as active in constructing play, see Marsh et.al., 2005.

[x] Buckingham, 2000; Jenkins, 1998, 2006; Seiter, 1993.

[xi] Victoria Rideout, Ulla G. Foehr, & Donald F. Roberts. Generation M2: Media in the lives of 8- to 18-year-olds.  A Kaiser Family Foundation report.  January, 2010.

[xii] Kaiser, op.cit.

[xiii] KFF, op.cit.

[xiv] Jenkins, in From Barbie to Mortal Kombat.

[xv] See Merchants of Cool, PBS Frontline, available: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/cool/view/.  Accessed: July 26, 2010.

[xvi] Colin Campbell, The romantic ethic and the spirit of modern consumerism.  Blackwell, 1987.

[xvii] Janet Wasko, Understanding Disney: The manufacture of fantasy. Polity, 2001.

[xviii] R. Thomas Umstead, How Nick expects to maintain edge in preschool tv.  Multichannel News, July 10, 2005.  Available online: http://www.multichannel.com/article/84601-How_Nick_Expects_To_Maintain_Edge_In_Preschool_TV.php.  Accessed: July 23, 2010.

[xix] Kaiser Family Foundation.

[xx] All time worldwide box office grosses.  Box Office Mojo.  Available: http://www.boxofficemojo.com/alltime/world/.  Accessed: September 14, 2009.

[xxi] Kaiser Family Foundation study.

[xxii] KZero: 260M registered accounts for the 10-15-year-old virtual demo.  Virtual Worlds News.  Available: http://www.virtualworldsnews.com/2009/02/k-zero-260m-registered-accounts-for-the-1015yearold-virtual-world-demo.html.  Accessed: July 21, 2010.

[xxiii] Club Penguin, snatched by Disney, grew 329% in past year.  Marketing Charts. Available: http://www.marketingcharts.com/interactive/club-penguin-snatched-by-disney-grew-329-in-past-year-1178/.  Accessed: July 21, 2010. With Club Penguin’s unique visits and number of paid subscriptions down in concert with the sagging economy, Disney was able to purchase the virtual world at half that price. [xxiii] Brooks Barnes.  Club Penguin misses goals, giving Disney a half-price deal.  New York Times May 12, 2010.  Available: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/13/business/media/13penguin.html. Accessed: July 21, 2010.

[xxiv] Brooks Barnes, Club Penguin misses goal, giving Disney a half priced deal.  New York Times May 10, 2010.  Available: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/13/business/media/13penguin.html.  Accessed: July 21, 2010.

[xxv] Wii and DS thrash competition in U.S. news.  Eurogamer.  January 14, 2010.

[xxvi] Kaiser.

[xxvii] This will be updated when measurements are available from Pew Internet & American Life, which should be in late 2010.

[xxviii] Siri Agrell, 2007 (April 23), “Gotcha!  Fed-up Kids are Using Technology To Find Comfort Online – and to Air Dirty Laundry,” The Globe and Mail (Canada), p. L1; Rebecca Seal.  2007 (April 15), “Hey, Rachel, That Was Some Great Teenage Bash,” The Observer (England), p. 21.

[xxix] Kaiser.

[xxx] Katie Hafner, “Texting May be Taking a Toll,” The New York Times, May 26, 2009.

[xxxi] Margaret Webb Pressler.  2007 (May 20), “For Texting Teens, an OMG Moment When the Phone Bill Arrives,” Washington Post, p. A01.

[xxxii] Kaiser.

[xxxiii] Stephen Labaton, Court rebuffs F.C.C. on fines for indecency.  New York Times, June 5, 2007.  Accessed: July 26, 2010.

[xxxiv] Creating the next dot-boom could be child’s play.  The Observer Sunday 25 April 2010.  Available: http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/2010/apr/25/boaki-social-networking-child-safety-online.  Accessed: July 21, 2010.

[xxxv] Ernest Cavelli, World of Warcraft hits 11.5 million users.  Wired, December 23, 2008.

[xxxvi] PRWeb, Habbo Hotel turns 10 years old and the success story continues.  Daily Finance, June 14, 2010.  Available: http://www.dailyfinance.com/rtn/press/habbo-hotel-turns-10-years-old-and-the-success-story-continues/rfid338523827/?channel=pscope.  Accessed: July 21, 2010.

[xxxvii] Real kids in virtual worlds.  E-Marketer, May 21, 2009.  Available: http://www.emarketer.com/Article.aspx?R=1007095.  Accessed: July 21, 2010.

[xxxviii] Ibid.

[xxxix] Cassells and Jenkins, 1998; Kearney, 2006; Mazzarella and Pecora, 1999; Mazzarella, 2005

[xl] Stephanie wrote about this experience as a contributor to a special issue of the Journal of Virtual Worlds that I co-edited with Sun Sun Lim.  Stephanie Louise Lu, Growing up with Neopets.  Journal of Virtual Worlds, forthcoming.

[xli] Ito et.al., Hanging Out, Messing Around, Geeking Out.  MIT Press, 2009.

[xlii] Vygotsky,

[xliii] Danah boyd, Why Youth (heart) Social Network Sites.  See also Susannah Stern.

[xliv] Taylor was interviewed by twentysomething interviewer Alexis Lynn three times in early 2009.

[xlv] Taylor was interviewed by Alexis Lynn, who is the author of The Digitally Born Identity <complete citation elsewhere in footnotes>

[xlvi] The mook and the midriff were the terms marketers used to describe the teen archetypes of the early 1990s, as documented in the excellent PBS Frontline program, “The Merchants of Cool.” The film focused on how marketers conduct research on teen life in an effort to tie products to admired teen archetypes in an effort to sell teen culture back to itself for a profit.

[xlvii] Naomi Klein’s manifesto No Logo is an excellent description of how difficult, and yet how necessary, it is for young people to gain a critical distance from the commercial realities that surround young people the way water surrounds fish.

[xlviii] This is at the heart of “engaged parenting” as defined by several parenting manuals (find from older biblio page)

[xlix] An excellent resource for discussions is commonsensemedia.com, which provides practical advice for parents navigating the digital, mobile, and traditional media.

[l] Buckingham, 2000, 2006; Livingstone, 2002, 2009.

[li] This argument builds on Joshua Meyrowitz, No sense of place: The impact of electronic media on social behavior. New York: Oxford University Press, 1986.

[lii] Facer et.al., 2003.

[liii] Horst, Families.  In Ito et.al., Hanging out, messing around, geeking out.

Parenting in a Digital Age: Introduction

December 9, 2010

This is the introduction to my forthcoming book, Parenting in a Digital Age.  The entire book is drafted and I will share parts of it here and would welcome your feedback. I’m also glad to send you the manuscript as a work in progress.  If you’re interested, just drop me a line: Lynn (dot) Clark (at) DU.edu.

Ch 1: Introduction: The emotional work of communication technologies

Parenting in a Digital Age, by Lynn Schofield Clark

Courtesy ThundaFunda free online images

When Melanie bought her preteen son Sam a Playstation for Christmas, she suddenly found herself faced with several new problems in her home.[i] Although 11-year-old Sam had been thrilled and surprised with the purchase, Melanie told me that she soon grew weary of the fact that any request for him to stop playing seemed to escalate until she found herself screaming. “Every time I try to encourage him to do something else, he seems to act as if I’m punishing him,” she said with frustration.  Later, it was Sam’s turn to experience frustration. When his younger sister Connie expressed interest in the Playstation, his mother decided that 9-year-old Connie, too, should have some games that were her own and that she should have equal time on the gaming system.  “Sam was spending too much time on it anyway,” Melanie reasoned. The system was in the main room next to the kitchen, and as that room contained both the one remaining computer and their one television hooked to the gaming system, it was the room to which both Sam and Connie naturally gravitated after school and after dinner.

Despite the heightened tensions the game introduced for her family, Melanie recognized that playing had soon become a regular part of the family’s routine.  As a single parent who worked full time, when she, Sam, and Connie were in their home, Melanie was usually making dinner, cleaning the house, doing work related to her own job on her laptop, or helping one of her children with homework.  The Playstation often provided Sam and Connie with something do to so that she could get the things done that she needed to do as a single parent.[ii]

Still, Melanie seemed almost constantly engaged in some kind of cost/benefit analysis involving the use of

Courtesy Photographers Direct

communication technologies in their home.  She did not like them to use the Playstation, television, and computer as much as they did.  She also believed that it was worthwhile for her to engage Sam and Connie in cleaning the house and preparing the food with her, although, as she said, this always involved more effort on her part. After all, Sam and Connie would much prefer to unwind in front of the television or gaming system rather than help her with the domestic work of the house.  So, each afternoon and evening, she weighed their media choices based on whether or not she felt she had enough energy to engage them in getting dinner ready or getting the house cleaned up.  If she felt she didn’t have the patience for the possible struggle and supervision required, she switched on her favorite Internet radio station and got to the work of cleaning or preparing the meal, while the Playstation, computer, and television kept Sam and Connie occupied.  Such a decision might gain her the solitude she needed, but cost her in terms of guilt feelings about relying on entertainment media as a babysitter.  Melanie therefore engaged in a kind of emotional work when it came to decisions about the communication technologies she and her children engaged in: she needed to decide whether she would feel better about herself as a parent if she got her preteen children engaged in helping with household duties, or if, due to her tiredness, her own impatience coupled with their resistance would result in greater stress and frustration and would therefore ultimately be a negative experience for them all.

Trevor also engaged in a kind of emotional work when it came to communication technologies.  A single father with two teenage daughters who spent the weekends at his house in rural Ohio, Trevor was used to the long commutes required to transport his daughters to and from their soccer games.  Actually, he said, he used to look forward to those long drives.  “When (older daughter) Katie was in soccer, we used to have lots of time to talk and listen to music together,” he said, chuckling as he remembered some of their favorite songs.  “It was that way with Emily, too, at least at first.”  Trevor’s smile faded from his face as he continued, “But she got her cell phone earlier than Katie did.  Most of the time now, we just drive in silence while she texts,” he said.  Trevor was

World News

saddened by this turn of events, but like Melanie, he too made a decision rooted in his emotions.  He was proud to be what he viewed as a “good parent” who was supportive of his daughter.  So, because he knew that she would interpret any intervention on his part as an interruption of her chosen activity, he decided to ride along in silence.

Media critic Sherry Turkle has recently argued that with new media technologies, middle class families are increasingly spending time “alone together,” utilizing differing communication technologies even when we share the same spaces with one another.[iii] In this book, I build on this compelling idea, arguing that today’s parents and young people, like Melanie and Trevor and their families, are experiencing an increase in emotional work as communication technologies have increasingly become an inevitable part of our everyday lives.  With all of the demands on our lives and the continuous possibility of interruption that digital and mobile media afford, parents and their children increasingly have to decide when and how to be together, and how we will interact with one another in a media-saturated environment. Parents know that temptations to be lured by the next email, text message, or call in for overtime are always there, and increasingly, they have to decide what to do about that.  They might make their decisions based on the weighing of job security versus their desire to spend uninterrupted time with loved ones, but given the demands of their employer in a 24/7 marketplace, and the pressure of a slow recovery after a recession, they may not even feel like they have much of a choice.

But more than that, when it comes to the emotional work of communication technologies, parents are also weighing how much media is too much, particularly when they are trying to maintain their relationships with their children and, especially with younger children, they may want to be shielding them from the outside influences that commercial and social media afford.  How long parents need to do this shielding and negotiating over media is a subject of much debate, as today, young people are growing up in the context of what historian Philippe Aries characterized as a “long childhood,” an extension of the period before the time when children enter the adult world.[iv] The issues of a “long childhood” are heightened among more disadvantaged families, where children once left the house in pursuit of work immediately after the formal schooling of high school and are now finding it more difficult to manage on their own on what, too often, are insufficient wages.[v] But they are also present in middle class and elite families, where the slow economy similarly provides encouragement for young people to consider moving back into their parents’ homes during or after college.[vi] Thus, although a long childhood creates a wonderful space for the formation and development of children, it also creates new dilemmas as to when and how children are to enter adult social worlds, and what role parents are to play in mediating this process along the way. And in contemporary culture, digital, mobile, and traditional media become a focal point of concern for parents who are attempting to manage this transition and its linkages to the outside world when the children are younger, and a focus of different concerns when attempting to maintain and adjust their relationships with their children as they grow older.[vii]

Mom & Daughter

What complicates matters in families is that as parents and their children confront the challenges of modernity in their home lives, working out the ways that digital and mobile media will play a role in their lives both together and separately, they are doing so through differing sets of emotions invoked with digital and mobile media, as these media raise new issues in relation to authority and autonomy, connectedness and individuality, and trust and risk. Parents often feel anxious (or at best ambivalent) about how digital and mobile media provide more opportunities, and hence more risk, for young people to connect with people and ideas outside of parental control. They also may feel sadness about the possibility of relational time lost, whether to television, gaming, or texting.  In contrast, young people, especially teens and preteens, feel happy that communication media provide them with the possibilities for more autonomy from their home lives, more connection with their peers, and easier than ever access to commercial entertainment.[viii] Moreover, these emotional responses are woven into cultural scripts, so that whereas middle class families discuss these media as a source of potential distraction from a more “constructive” uses of time, less advantaged families are more concerned that their children might get unrealistic ideas from media content or use digital and mobile media in ways that do not honor their familial ties.[ix] Middle class parents approach these media with dread and angst, whereas lower income parents approach them with caution and annoyance.[x] And because parents, and especially mothers, are charged with the tasks of negotiating what media researcher Roger Silverstone and colleagues have termed the “moral economy of the household,” or the ways in which the family will structure its time and commitments in relation to demands both outside and inside the house, parents across the economic spectrum find themselves in situations where they have to make decisions about media, often decisions that involve or result in conflict with their children.[xi] Dealing with these decisions and the conflicts that may emerge as a result requires a form of emotional work.

The stories Melanie and Trevor told were not unique.  My research team and I heard stories like them often as we engaged in what turned out to be a ten-year study of how digital, mobile, and more traditional media are playing a role in, and even changing, family life. To explore these changes, my research team and I observed and interviewed 221 parents and 140 children between the ages of 6 and 18 over the course of those years. Most of these interviews and observations took place in family homes, which were located in urban, suburban, and rural areas of Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, California, Colorado, Washington, D.C., and Illinois, and were about evenly divided between more and less financially advantaged areas.  We also attended seminars on parenting, went to book talks, and participated in media literacy events.  We interviewed families that were affluent and families barely subsisting near the poverty line, although most fell somewhere in between and were either relatively more or relatively less advantaged.  We went to informal neighborhood gatherings, school, church, and synagogue events, and attended teacher-training sessions.  We reviewed and consulted on nationally representative surveys designed to better understand parents, teens, and digital media uses and participated in international and cross-cultural comparisons. As my own children grew into their preteen years, I became even more immersed in the questions of how media were playing a role in family life.  Throughout this work, I have found that parents and their children have been engaging in a great deal of nuanced decision-making, a fair amount of discussion, and a significant number of emotional exchanges when it comes to the roles of digital and mobile media in their lives.  And how they were managing these things had a great deal to do with the changes they were experiencing in the economic landscape, as more and less advantaged families were confronted with differing kinds of emotional work related to digital, mobile, and traditional media.  This book is about how families engaged in emotional work as they sought to maintain their relationships in the midst of a media-saturated environment, and how they participated in changing family life itself as a result.

U.S. Families and the Digital Revolution

Cell phone circa 1990

Over the course of the past few decades, family life has come to look quite different thanks to digital and mobile media. In 2000, wireless wasn’t even available in most homes, and only 5 percent of U.S. households had broadband access to the Internet. Only a quarter of U.S. adults used the Internet on a daily basis.[xii] Online access was even more strongly divided by economics than by race, as almost 90 percent of Latinos who were college educated were going online, whereas only 31 percent of those without a high school diploma went online.[xiii] Cell phone subscriptions were half of what they would be a decade later, and at that time mobiles were used almost exclusively for phone calls, as texting – still charged by the message — was too expensive.[xiv] Hardly anyone had heard of a “virtual world.”[xv]

In contrast, by 2010, just under two thirds of those in the U.S. had broadband and accessed the Internet daily, and 59 percent could connect wirelessly. Fully 93 percent of young people between the ages of 12 and 17 had access to the Internet.[xvi] And whereas in 2000, people accessed the Internet from their computers or laptops, by 2010, more people were relying upon mobile phones for such access, with African American and Latino families significantly more likely to own a mobile and use it for accessing data than their white counterparts.[xvii] In 2000, about 38 percent of households had access to a mobile phone; by 2010, more than 90 percent did.[xviii] And more than a third of households had four or more digital and mobile devices in 2010.[xix]

An economic divide is still present, but in more nuanced ways.  As Allison Pugh has pointed out in her study of parents, children, and consumer culture, one is likely to find very similar media products in the homes of both more and less financially advantaged families.  What differs is in how they talk about these material goods. Middle class parents are more likely to discuss them in terms of how well they exercised constraint in getting less than they might have, whereas low-income parents talk about how their goods are evidence that they are not “in trouble.”[xx] Parents in upper income families practice what Pugh terms “symbolic deprivation,” whereas parents in lower income families practice “symbolic indulgence.”[xxi] There are still some basic differences in digital, mobile, and traditional media, however. In 2010, young people from more disadvantaged backgrounds were still more likely to lack access to broadband at home, to attend schools that had outdated equipment, and to have fewer people in their social circles – and in particular, fewer parents and adults – who fully understand the implications of consequences in the digital realm.[xxii]

Still, by 2010, young people under the age of 17 were spending an average of 7 ½ hours a day utilizing various media devices – an increase of nearly an hour and a half over the time they spent with media devices just five years earlier.[xxiii] As has been the case in earlier surveys about television use, the Kaiser Family Foundation found that lower income families, as well as black and Hispanic families, spent more time with all kinds of media than white and higher income families did.  Texting remained popular across the economic spectrum, as half of all U.S. teens sent an average of 50 text messages a day, and one in three sent more than 100 a day.[xxiv] But all of this technology does not always seem to be solving the basic problem of helping families to maintain

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strong interfamilial relationships.  One study found that families with multiple connection devices were less likely to eat dinner together and also somewhat less likely to say that they were satisfied with their familial relationships and their leisure time than others.[xxv]

The U.S. experience has been amplified by similar changes around the globe. By 2010, cell phone use around the world had doubled when compared with a decade earlier, with developing countries experiencing the most significant growth.[xxvi] There were more than 5 billion mobile phone users around the world by 2010,[xxvii] and India alone was adding six million mobile phone subscribers each month as early as 2007.[xxviii]

What all of this has meant for most families is that the volume of personal contacts and information they are able to access from home and elsewhere has grown exponentially, as has the variety in information sources and the speed at which they are able to access those sources.[xxix] This level of exposure and interconnection has increased the sense among parents that they risk falling behind, and parents across the economic spectrum wonder how they can keep informed about the possible risks that immersion in digital and mobile media use may mean for their children. Social commentators and analysts are quick to provide advice, blaming consumer culture and youthful naivete for the growth of such potentially sordid phenomena as ChatRoulette, Hot or Not, and 4Chan.[xxx] And the legacy media such as television, radio, and print news capitalize on parental fears, as they know that they can garner desirable demographics among their audiences when they churn out programming warning about sexting or highlighting arrests of Internet predators.[xxxi] Books and editorials with titles such as Endangered Minds: Why children don’t think and what we can do about it or “Hooked on gadgets, and paying a mental price” blame digital, visual, and mobile media for a rise in attention deficit disorder, a link to autism, and an inability to think critically.[xxxii]

Such stories articulate and amplify the very real concerns that parents have for their children.  Yet underlying all these concerns is, perhaps, something deeper.  As evidenced in the rise of “helicopter parenting” and “overparenting” among especially more advantaged families who seek to manage ever-more minute aspects of young peoples’ lives, and the “enmeshed parenting” that occurs as lower income parents attempt to play a large role in their children’s emotional lives, western society seems to have developed a discomfort with both the developmental process of growing up and with the roles of parents and of the digital and mobile media within these processes.[xxxiii] Perhaps parents are worried that they have not adequately prepared their preteens and teens for the adult world as made available through digital and mobile media.  Maybe they do not quite trust their preteen and teenage children to act responsibly and sensibly, given all of the various mediated temptations they will encounter.  Or perhaps parents across the economic spectrum are concerned that their children’s peers, or maybe the commercial media itself, might have more influence over their decision-making than their parents

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will. I believe that our contradictory feelings regarding the digital and mobile media in our children’s lives are masking a more fundamental concern: we are worried about the tasks of growing up and becoming independent in a world dominated by risk and uncertainty.

Families, Change, and Communication Technologies in a Risk Society

Numerous sociologists have commented on the changes western society has already undergone over the past hundred years, as we have moved from an agrarian and rural to an urban and industrialized society, and from a society organized by groups in physical co-presence to a society in which social and media networks comprise the primary mode of organization.[xxxiv] Modernization, as the German sociologist Ulrich Beck has noted, has introduced a series of new hazards and insecurities that arise from our increasing interdependence in this increasingly urban and networked society.  Beck notes that we now live in what he terms a risk society, and we have developed systematic ways of dealing with these hazards and insecurities in our daily lives. Living with risk is not new, as Beck points out that we have always lived with a certain amount of risk in our lives due to circumstances beyond our control.  In the past, people suffered ailments and even lost children to what we now think of as treatable illnesses that were then little understood.  The sciences offered medicines meant to cure or at least help, religion offered explanations and rituals that helped communities to go on, and governments were looked to for the development of safer systems as well as protection from formidable enemies.  As life became increasingly complex over the course of the past several hundred years, western society developed ever-more complex systems meant to guard against risks that were both natural and those that resulted from human behavior.[xxxv] Due to the complexity and interrelatedness of our lives, we must put our trust in abstract systems; otherwise, our lives in late modern society would be unsustainable.[xxxvi] But, as sociologist Anthony Giddens has pointed out, we have come to realize that there may be no permanent solutions to the problem of risk.  Instead, with the rise of disasters rooted in human decision-making such as the nuclear crises at Chernobyl, as well as other failings of industry and of the explanatory and governing powers of religion, science, and politics, the public has lost faith in the ability of societal institutions to manage risk.   We now increasingly look for ways to put preventative measures in place to reduce our exposure to risk, both at the societal and the individual level.  As we look for such measures, whether they are in a move toward exploring alternative power sources or creating more “green” industries, we are participating in a process of what Giddens has termed reflexive modernity: the ability to recognize that we can make decisions collectively and individually that can help us to reduce our exposure to risk.[xxxvii]

Communication technologies have long played a role in the development of the risk society, as they made possible the workings of the sophisticated military systems that supported governments and counter government activities.  These communication systems both sought to control for risk, and also contributed to the risk of human-generated war-related disasters due to the speed and distance over which messages commanding destruction could travel.[xxxviii] In a related way, communication technologies have fundamental importance to the development of globalization, as labor, money, and communications between people travel easily from place to place, allowing relationships, both of enrichment and of exploitation, to develop in new ways.  We are now “communicatively interdependent,” as Giddens says, and this is both a function and a result of the risk society.[xxxix] But as communication technologies have gained in importance in globalized contexts, we might assume that they have also changed our personal lives.

Several sociologists have been interested in the transformations of personal life that are outgrowths of life in the risk society of late modernity.  Giddens has related changes in personal life to the rise of a society defined by three things: disembeddedness, as many of us don’t live in the same village our ancestors did; a greater awareness of risk and contingency in everyday decisionmaking; and an increased reliance on abstract systems rather than leaders for providing structure in society. The changes in our relationships have also been supported through changes in laws as well as, more recently, through the feminist movement and its liberation of sexual practices.[xl] Yet rather than focusing on how actual families experience and manage these changes, Giddens has argued that he sees the rise of what he has termed the “pure” relationship: a voluntary social relation of intimacy that is rooted in the satisfactions it provides to participants rather than in kinship, status, or familial relations. He has argued that whereas in previous epochs, relationships of marriage were largely rooted in the economic necessities of managing households in agrarian society, today, since less of our time is taken up with those necessities, we are increasingly able to choose our mates based on notions of romantic love.  Now, Giddens argues, relating with others happens as a part of our own identity projects, and intimate relationships come to be understood in terms of “mutual disclosure,” trust, and bodily pleasure.  He believes that these changes in intimate life are ultimately leading to changes in the gendered order of society, as women and men become more equal.

But several feminist writers on marriage and the family have been skeptical of Giddens’ optimism when it comes to the risk society’s manifestation on the home front, feeling that this analysis of the “pure” relationship does not address the turmoil, uncertainty, and stresses that many U.S. parents identify.  Nor does it address the continuation of gendered inequities in many of these families.[xli] Certainly the distribution of wealth and

Christina Hendricks as Joan Holloway on Mad Men. Getty Images.

privilege, as well as divisions in professional labor markets and in domestic labor, are all gendered.  Moreover, even though couples can create arrangements that both parties believe are equitable, many still maintain gendered practices, sometimes by providing justifications that echo gendered norms (e.g., he works more hours outside the home with the better-paying job and therefore has less time to do housework; she cooks because she likes to do so more than her partner does).[xlii] But perhaps the biggest critique of Giddens is that, when it comes down to it, most relationships are not based solely in mutual self-disclosure; they are enacted and maintained as people work out the practical, economic, and material details of everyday life.[xliii] Love and care is expressed in this practical doing and giving.  In fact, intimacy is often undermined when participants in the relationship experience discontent in what are often unequal divisions of labor.[xliv]

Unfortunately, Giddens says relatively little about the role of parenting in the risk society, focusing his efforts on adults in intimate relationships.  Yet feminist sociologists have long found that having children frequently creates dissonance in relationships, since the work involved in raising children can make the gender inequalities more visible and more extreme.  At the same time, the same “communicative interdependence” that makes it possible for families to retain connections with one another across great distances also allows the young person in the same room as her parents to be disembedded from that environment and psychically connected to those who are elsewhere. There is also seemingly no “time out” from that separate youth culture, no temporal break from it since young people can participate in it at any time – and in fact, they feel rather compelled to be always available to be found in that culture.  Digital media introduce new challenges for parents who seek to maintain connections with their young people, because they have to figure out what it now means to be connected, and how to deal with the practicalities of expressing love and care in this new situation. For these reasons, it is worth thinking about the experiences of young people and parents in the risk society, particularly in relation to the larger digitally mediated culture through which we connect with those who are important to us.

The changes digital and mobile media bring to family life, then, are part and parcel with a long series of developments in the lives of families in western risk societies. The communication media that have arisen to resolve some of our society’s increasing risks and uncertainties have also contributed to heightening risks and uncertainties. And this dilemma is not unrelated to changes that have emerged in the economic landscape, as with the increased demands on our personal lives, communication technologies such as mobile phones and computers with high speed Internet access have moved from the status of luxury to necessity. We are now

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expected to manage ever-increasing amounts of data – both impersonal and interpersonal – in our everyday lives, and communication technologies both help us to cope and simultaneously increase our exposure to risk and uncertainty.

U.S. Families and the Time Crunch

Most people experience this stress of having to deal with more data and more risk in relation to a sense that we are busier than ever, and numerous studies have documented the time crunch that’s experienced among today’s families with children across the economic spectrum.[xlv] A key part of the felt busyness in U.S. family life in the years since World War II has been the rise in the number of women in the paid labor force. In 1960, 38 percent of women in the U.S. were employed outside the home, but that number had risen to 59 percent by 2006.  In 1970, almost 36 percent of couples in the U.S. were a part of dual income families; by 2000, almost 60 percent were dual income couples.[xlvi] The combined total of the hours worked by parents in households has also been on the increase.  In 1970, couples worked a combined total of 52.5 hours a week.  By 2000, that figure had risen to 63.1 hours. [xlvii] Women have had to enter the work force in greater numbers, or work more hours during childbearing years, as a means of making up the household income that has been lost as a result of the stagnation of wages that economists date to 1973, arguably the beginning of globalization.[xlviii] Those with less than a college degree have suffered even greater losses since then, as two thirds of those without degrees experienced a 6 percent decline in real wages since 1973.  And the Economic Policy Institute estimated in 2010 that wages in the industries where jobs were being created were on average 21 percent lower than the wages in industries where jobs were disappearing.[xlix] Not surprisingly, then, by 2006, there were more two-paycheck couples than there had been male breadwinners in 1970, meaning that more people in family groups were experiencing longer work hours than forty years earlier. [l]

Because of the demands on families and the decline in the practice of extended families assisting with the rearing of children, a variety of childcare arrangements have arisen to meet the needs of families where two parents or a single parent works.  80 percent of children under five whose mothers work full time spend at least 40 hours in some kind of child care arrangement, and 63 percent of children ages 6 to 14 spend an average of 21 hours each week in child care with someone other than a parent.  And because options for adolescents are more limited (particularly for those from lower income families), it’s estimated that 40 percent of 14-year-olds with

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working mothers spend time on their own when they’re not in school.[li] And as a result, between 1981 and 1997, children aged 3 to 12 experienced a decline in their unstructured time by 12 %, or 7 hours per week.  Household conversations also declined in the period between the mid-1980s and mid-2000s, as did visiting with friends and church-related peer activities.[lii] Today’s young people spend more time away from home in school, day care, and after-school programs, they spend more time now in organized sports, hobbies, and outdoor activities, and they also spend more time doing homework, than did the young people and children of prior generations. With increasing suburban sprawl and time pressure on parents, there has also been a decline in the number of students who walk to school and an increase in the time spent in the car moving between these activities.[liii]

The makeup of U.S. families has also undergone changes over the course of the past few decades.  Most notably, the U.S. has seen an increase in the number of persons under the age of 18 over the past few decades. In 2000, the teen population was 31.6 million, almost 6 percentage points higher than during the peak of the baby boomer population’s teen years, which reached 29.9 million in 1976. And the demographics of the youth population are shifting, so that 2010 was predicted to be the year when births among historically minority groups accounted for 50 percent of all births in the U.S. What this means is that young people today are growing up in family formations that are more diverse than ever before, with greater diversity in backgrounds of ethnicity, race, and religion than ever before, are more likely than ever before to experience a change in their family status, whether that be due to marriage, divorce, or remarriage, over the course of their lifetimes, and are growing up familiar with a family life that is characterized by rapid successions of changing activities, interruptions, and ongoing negotiations about these things among various family members. [liv]

Today, due to the rise in communication technologies that have enabled both a 24/7 work environment and an interweaving of work and family responsibilities, people are expected to adjust their home lives to accommodate the demands of their workplaces, changing their shifts or their hours worked to best benefit the companies that pay them, or working from home in addition to work during “normal” business hours.  As a result, we have been left with shorter “bursts” of free time.  This is a finding that doesn’t always show up on statistical measures of work/leisure time. [lv] According to those studies, we may actually have more cumulative minutes devoted to leisure time than in the past.  But the rapid interleaving of leisure with work activities has become a pattern that has replaced longer stretches of uncontaminated free time.[lvi] And today, communication technologies not only connect us with our employers, but they also increasingly are designed to provide ways for us to fill those spare

Courtesy The Telegraph.

minutes between demands.[lvii]

Even if our individual work hours have remained about the same as thirty years ago, therefore, family lives today have become characterized by a constant negotiation between changing demands of work and family life. This situation has led to increased household dissonance and heralds an era of household-level negotiations over work, gender, and family that are unprecedented.  Some, such as Hochschild, have argued that the rising rates of divorce and single parenting are directly related to these heightened tensions wrought by the demands of the workforce. [lviii]

Perhaps as a result of the increase in the amount of time young people spend alone at home or with caregivers who are not their parents, middle class parents today report both a high level of concern about entertainment media options, and a desire to be involved in their children’s education and in their formalized extracurricular activities such as community sports leagues, chorales, orchestras, religious and community leadership events, or other activities, in what have been termed “intensified parenting activities.”[lix] Intensified parenting affects both mothers and fathers, for whereas the amount of time mothers spend with their children has remained fairly consistent over the years, fathers in 2000 spent more than twice as much time with their children than did fathers in 1965 (going from 24 to 60 minutes a day; for mothers the change was from 90 to 102 minutes a day).[lx] Middle class families have thus experienced an increased sense of busyness as a result of at least three

Dad on sidelines. Frerx Adventures.

things: the proportion of time parents devote to work, the constant interleaving of work and family time, and the felt pressure to spend more time together with their children to meet the emergent norms of what it means to be “good” parents today.

Communication technologies have become an almost transparent part of how families manage their ongoing commitments as well as unexpected disruptions in this busy life.  Many middle class parents remain available to the world of their work through cell phones and Internet connected laptops that can move with them from home to activities. More disadvantaged families, in contrast, are asked to respond more quickly to the changing needs of a dynamic workforce with fewer guarantees of work hours or stability.  Parents across the socioeconomic spectrum then manage their family and home life responsibilities from their work settings, as work and home lives increasingly overlap and boundaries between the two are blurred.  Parents spend quite a bit of time developing coping strategies, relying on lists, calendars, smart phones, and other means for the planning and ongoing management of the information and communication that is necessary in order to get through the countless activities and decisions that need to be made each day.[lxi] So, even as these technologies help to address problems of management, they also become another source of demand on parents’ time, as parents must work to keep the information in calendars and digital devices up to date and they must coordinate such information with other family members.  Technologies have evolved to serve these needs, changing the landscape of family life and the coordination of its activities.

Thus digital and mobile media both potentially solve, and potentially exacerbate, many dilemmas of contemporary family life that relate to these risks and uncertainties.  They can enable young people to check in more frequently with their parents and can make it easier to keep track of young peoples’ activities and interactions. They can make new opportunities for intergenerational interactions possible and even desirable.  But they are also sources of distress, anxiety, and worry for a great many parents, because they provide more opportunities for autonomy and for risk-taking, thereby amplifying what has long been a source of concern about the preteen and teen years.  Parenting practices have had to change in relation to this increase in the autonomy of youth culture, but what has not changed is the desire on the part of both parents and young people to establish and maintain meaningful relationships, both within the primary relations of one’s family and with those outside the family, as well.

I argue that the question we need to be asking, then, is this: How are these new media shaping what it means to be a family?  How are our interactions with one another in, through, and about these media shaping our emotional connections, enabling or detracting from each family member’s ability to weather the challenges of growing up in a risk society?[lxii] And what differences do racial/ethnic, gender, and especially economic backgrounds play in these differing experiences?

Emotional Work and The Rise of the Reflexive Parent

As a society and as families, we now increasingly look for ways to put preventative measures in place to reduce our exposure to risk.  As we look for such measures, we are participating in the process of what Giddens termed reflexive modernity: the ability to recognize that we can make decisions collectively and individually that can help us to reduce our exposure to risk.[lxiii] These processes have given shape to what my colleagues and I in an earlier book described as the rise of reflexive parenting.[lxiv] Reflexive parenting has emerged because with the shifts in the availability of information flows and the ongoing shifting of risk from large scale societal institutions to the level of individuals, parents and family members are now increasingly assuming the responsibility for making a whole host of decisions, ranging from decisions on their own health care, to banking and investments, to schools and extracurricular and community activities.[lxv] This, in turn, means that adults must manage a wider array of information sources than ever before, and they recognize that they are responsible for the choices they make.[lxvi]

Reflexive parenting is about parenting in a self-conscious way, and thus refers to the sense that parents are not born with a “parenting gene;” rather, they recognize that they must learn how to parent, and they must make

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choices about how they will enact their role as parents. Whereas much of our learning about parenting happens through our closest relationships and in our observations of our own parents, parenting today is also occurring in the shadow of parenting “experts” who help parents to think about how they choose to respond to particular situations.  And because these expert voices do not always agree on what it means to be a “good parent,” parents must make more choices, not only about how they will act in any given situation, but about how they will explain why they act as they do to differing members of their social circles, including their children, their friends, their coworkers, and perhaps even their own parents and siblings.

Moreover, in an age of reflexive parenting, parents are increasingly aware that their parenting practices must change as the needs of their children change. Parenting experts as well as parents themselves describe a “good parent” of the young child as one who is consistent, involved, and focused on assuring the well-being of the child, whereas a “good parent” of the older child is one who is flexible, available, and focused on allowing the child both the freedom to take risks and the responsibility for dealing with the consequences of her mistakes.[lxvii] But the movement from one type of parenting style to another does not happen instantaneously, nor at a certain predefined moment in the life course. And to further complicate matters, parents and young people almost always have some disagreements about when and how those changes in parenting that afford greater freedoms should come about. Gauging these changes in parenting in relation to the affordances of digital and

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mobile media technologies takes a certain kind of work; work that is rooted in the sometimes-competing demands of relationship maintenance, economic necessity, and self-identity that characterize life in modernity.  It is not work that takes place among members of the middle class alone, as members of lower-income families also must make choices about how they will act and react in relation to one another.  It is deeply emotional work, because it invokes strong feelings about what it means to be a “good parent” and about what parents and children each expect in terms of the exercising of authority in their relationships with one another.

I use the term emotional work, therefore, as a means of referencing the negotiations that parents and children make in relation to their own ongoing calculations of perceived benefits and potential risks as they discuss possible options and make decisions regarding digital and mobile media.  The term builds upon sociologist Arlie Hochschild’s concept of emotional labor, which more explicitly looks at how people (particularly women) are called upon to perform emotional tasks, such as appearing calm and hospitable, to the benefit of their employers.[lxviii] Parents similarly experience pressures to perform as “good parents” who are conscientious about their children’s engagements with digital and mobile media, and this public pressure contributes to a tendency to valorize certain approaches to parenting while overlooking the actual ways in which parents negotiate in relation to the emerging notion of child-centered parenting practices.

In this book, I offer an in-depth look at how parents and children navigate the emotionally fraught concerns that arise in relation to digital and mobile media as they invoke issues of authority and autonomy, connectedness and individuality, and trust and risk.  I am especially interested in how families of higher and lower income experience the emotional work of communication technologies, and I attempt to explore these differences in light of contemporary thinking on how class plays a role in differing approaches to the goals of parents and of children when it comes to digital, mobile, and traditional media.  The book aims to explain why we seem to have two competing discourses regarding parenting in a digital age: on the one hand, we are told stories of parents who seem to be over-involved in the oversight of their children’s digital and mobile media uses, whereas on the other, we are told that parents seem to lack the willpower to oversee their children’s digital and mobile media use at all.  Often, there is an implicit class marking in these critiques, as middle class parents (and especially mothers) are the targets for criticism about what some see as their tendency toward surveillance, and lower income parents (again, especially mothers) are criticized for what some see as their lax approach to oversight.  The actual experiences of families do not fall as neatly into these two categories, however.  Many parents aren’t interested in engaging in surveillance, and most have reasons for why they engage in the approaches to oversight that they do.  As we will see, some middle class parents adopt a view of media as a resource for education and for necessary participation in their children’s peer culture and work hard not to “overparent,” whereas some lower income parents overcome great obstacles to supervise or curtail media use from a stance of “strict” parenting that emphasizes parental authority.  These contradictory stories signal the dilemmas that emerge as parents and children try to navigate their relationships with one another and their peers in the context of both a shifting mediated environment and a context of ever-changing emotional responses to their roles within it over time.

Communication technologies are therefore playing a large role in the changes that are taking place in the lives of western families.  Not only are they helping us to manage our day-to-day lives, but they are also increasingly integrated into how we live out our lives as interconnected persons.  They are not just cultural items to be owned and used as tools; technologies increasingly play a role in how our society is shaped and how we, collectively and individually, relate to one another in the management of risk.  In other words, communication technologies are not merely “things” that we “use” or “don’t use.”  They are actors in our lives together, actors that come to be enshrined and encased with particular meanings.

The Changing Digital, Mobile, and Traditional Media Landscape

One of the dangers in focusing on how digital and mobile media come to be meaningful in the lives of children and their parents is that we can miss the ways in which large corporations benefit by our dependence upon these technologies.  TimeWarner, Disney, Apple, CBS and Viacom, Comcast, Nokia, Sony, Samsung and others happily produce products and services that are available more quickly than ever before and that offer increased speed, usefulness, choice, and efficiency at a tidy profit.[lxix] Those following the media industries often focus on the “big six”: Disney, Viacom, CBS, TimeWarner, News Corp, and General Electric (GE).[lxx] These six global corporations have concentrated control over much of the commercially available content that families view, hear, or read.  Yet there are other important players in the emergent digital and mobile media landscape.  Whereas GE had revenues of $157 billion in 2009, for instance, AT&T’s revenues were $123 billion, Verizon’s were at $107.8 billion, and Sony’s were at $78 billion that same year – significantly more than Disney’s $36.1 billion or Time Warner’s $25.8 billion.[lxxi] Comcast, Time Warner, and Cox serve as both cable television and Internet service providers in many places across the U.S., and as such are important players both in how families receive commercial media products and in how families and friends communicate with one another through mobile calls and messages.  The Sony Corporation, for instance, is a leading manufacturer of electronics goods, including digital cameras, televisions, video game consoles, and is also holder of Sony Pictures, Sony Music, and Sony Computer Entertainment.  Each of the four major mobile phone carriers in the U.S. – Verizon Wireless, AT&T, Sprint, and T-Mobile – offer family plans designed to appeal to families in terms of cost and features and increasingly offer access to data, and have seen record profits and greater concentration of ownership in their networks in recent years, as well.[lxxii] These service providers offer text-only plans and unlimited messaging plans, as well as fees per message for video, photo, or instant messaging.  Billions are invested annually to keep up the production of culture from these media industries.  Yet whereas these industries are surely an important part of the story in how digital and mobile media have come to play an indispensable role in the lives of families today, they are not the whole story.

There are two important premises that provide a foundation for this book, therefore. First, I believe that most parents are trying their best to raise young people who are responsible and capable, and they see themselves as playing a key role in the growing-up process.  And second, I believe we need to recognize that digital, mobile, and traditional media do not exist somewhere apart from the practices of parents, children, and others; rather, our collective uses of communication technologies encourage the media industries to develop ever-more fast and efficient products that contribute to the speeding-up and intensification of family life.[lxxiii]

We are living through a time in which the emotional work of parenting and of growing up is unprecedented, and digital and mobile media are contributing to this by demanding of us ever-more-personalized and nuanced responses to the particular dilemmas we face.  It is not enough simply to blame the media industries for creating and selling the products that our culture is increasingly finding indispensable, therefore.  We need to be considering how we are participating in the construction of our culture and how the unequal effects of our emotional work play out in relation to existing prisms of class, ethnicity, and gender.

What parents are bringing to this emotional work, then, are their own beliefs about what it means to act

Amerigroup

appropriately as a “good” parent who cares about the long-term development of their children, the economic viability of their household, and the desire for both long- and short-term maintenance of positive family relations.  In contrast, what young people bring to this emotional work are their own developmental needs, such as their desire to find out who they are in relation to their self-concepts and their peers. At the same time, both parents and young people also take into consideration how the other will interact with them as emotional beings whose priorities sometimes do, but often do not, coalesce with their own.  This emotional work of managing relationships while also managing the communication technologies in their lives was central to the stories of Melanie and Trevor and their children that opened this chapter, and the different ways in which families negotiate this emotional work marks a theme that will continually emerge in the stories that parents and children of all ages told.

The organization of this book reflects the various ways in which families approach the digital, mobile, and traditional media in their lives, and the role that their economic position plays in relation to the emotional work in which they engaged.   In chapter two, I begin with the question that parents often seem to ask when it comes to media in the lives of their children: why are digital and mobile media so much a part of young peoples’ lives?  To address this question, I draw upon survey data, interviews with young people, and the growing field of sociology of childhood to argue that young people find that digital, mobile, and traditional media address several important developmental and social needs in their lives.  In the third chapter, I turn to the question of what parents want, and what they are primarily concerned about, when it comes to digital, mobile, and traditional media in the lives of their children.   In this chapter, I review how parents have attempted to serve as mediators for their children when it comes to media content, peer pressure, and commercial youth culture, and how these practices relate to the parental desire to be a “good parent,” which is an idea with strong cultural ties that differ somewhat among middle and lower income parents. I also delve more deeply into the dilemmas facing parents in relation to changing ideas of what it means to be a “good parent,” considering the shift from strict parenting to the rise of protected childhoods and the changing idea of what it means to be a child in western society – and the conflicting messages about what is expected of parents as a result.  Chapter 4 explores class differences explicitly, considering how media are viewed as personal or family items, luxuries or necessities, and as “open” or “closed” social experiences by parents and young people who are situated differently economically.  Chapters 5, 6, 7, and 8 delve into the stories of particular families and their emotional work.  Chapter 5 focuses on lower income families in which the parents consider “strict” parenting as a form of extending protected childhood in relation to media, and other parents who seek to engender trust between parent and child as a safeguard against the dangers of perceived digital, mobile, and traditional media.  This chapter reviews parent/child negotiations around digital and mobile media among younger children and considers conflicts that emerge when parents attempt to continue to employ “strict” parenting practices in the realm of digital and mobile media as young people enter their preteen and teen years.  In this chapter, we hear from both parents and from young people themselves about how they feel about practices of intrusion, extreme restriction, and rigidity when it comes to digital and mobile media, enabling a consideration of both the benefits and costs of this approach at differing ages. Chapter 6 focuses on another manifestation of the parents’ desire for a protected childhood, but in this case, focusing on the middle class helicopter parent who seeks to insert herself into the lives and decisionmaking processes of her children, ostensibly for their own good.  This chapter similarly considers conflicts that emerge when middle class young people struggle to assert their autonomy through the use of digital and mobile media in their preteen and teen years.  Chapter 7 focuses on the middle class parents who take a different approach, believing that childhood is less about protection than about acquainting children with their world, and who believe that digital and mobile media provide them with opportunities to do this.  This chapter considers parents who seek to monitor their children’s media use while still allowing some freedom, parents who intentionally utilize media to teach moral messages, and parents who are uncertain about their own view of the world and so allow their children to have a great deal of authority over their own choices – perhaps too much, too soon. Chapter 8 focuses on the approach that seems to be the most adaptive to the contemporary environment of busyness, relationality, and connection.  It considers families across the economic spectrum in which an emphasis is placed upon parental flexibility and mutual respect among family members, exploring how these families adapt to the mediated environment and utilize their beliefs about interfamilial relations to guide their discussions and negotiations regarding digital and mobile media in their lives.

In the final chapter, I conclude by reconsidering why it is that some approaches to parent/child relationships when it comes to digital and mobile media seem more adaptive than others, and how such approaches are easier to manage when one has the resources of a middle class lifestyle to draw upon.  I review the advice of experts and offer some suggestions for parents on how best to navigate the challenges of digital, mobile, and traditional media in family life.  I consider some of the suggestions and the best practices of families, including the emergence of “tech retreats,” cross-generational mediated leisure activities, and the rise of reflexive efforts at family identity-making through media.  I then consider how digital and mobile media are creating greater emotional work for all and are contributing to a movement toward the personalization of parenting, which is rife with conflicting messages about how to stay attuned to the changing needs of children while also allowing them the freedom to develop and to make mistakes and suffer consequences because of them.  I return to the argument that the conflicts we are experiencing in our family lives around digital and mobile media are actually expressions of larger unresolved issues that have emerged in relation to the requirements of living in a society of risk and uncertainty, and I question both the extent to which parents can mediate for such risks, as well as the seeming necessity that we need to.  I argue instead for addressing ourselves to policy issues that would lessen the sense of risk and enhance the sense of security.  It is only in a rethinking of societal institutions that we will be able to support parents and their children in ways that our increasingly mediated and risk-dominated society demand.  And it is only in understanding how communication technologies contribute to the intensification of the emotional work of parenting that we can better address ourselves to these parental pressures and deeper uncertainties they signify.


[i] I first discussed this with Melanie in December 2008, and our conversation continued into 2009.   Melanie’s was a biracial Latino/Anglo middle class family living in the southwest.

[ii] Ellen Seiter has written about the ways in which single parents utilize digital media as a means of organizing their children’s time while they attend to the work of maintaining a household.  See E. Seiter, Television and New Media Audiences.  New York: Clarendon, 2000.

[iii] Sherry Turkle, Alone Together: Why we expect more from technology and less from each other. New York: Basic Books, 2011.

[iv] Philippe Aries, Centuries of Childhood: A social history of family life.  Vintage, 1965.

[v] Study of more disadvantaged young people living in parents’ homes longer.

[vi] Cite on trend toward middle class kids moving back in from ASA 2009.

[vii] This insight is from a personal correspondence with sociologist Gordon Lynch, July 21, 2010.  See also Joshua Meyrowitz, No sense of place.

[viii] Sonia Livingstone comments about this discrepancy in how parents and young people respond to digital media in Children and the Internet.  London: Polity Press, 2009.

[ix] This is a point to be elaborated on in a subsequent chapter, but builds on observations of Jordan, 1992.

[x] Pugh, p. 123.

[xi] Roger Silverstone, Eric Hirsch, & David Morley.  Listening to a long conversation: An ethnographic approach to the study of information and communication technologies in the home. Cultural Studies 5(2), 1991.

[xii] Rainie, Lee.  (2010).  How media consumption has changed since 2000. Presentation given at the Newhouse School’s Monetizing Online Business conference.  Available online: http://pewinternet.org.  Accessed: July 16, 2010.

[xiii] S. Craig Watkins, The Young & the Digital: What the migration to social network sites games, and anytime, anywhere media means for our future.  New York: Beacon, 2009.  Citing NTIA data, p. 31.

[xv] Christy Matte, Most influential virtual worlds of the ‘00s.  About.com.  Available: http://familyinternet.about.com/od/websites/tp/most-influential-virtual-worlds.htm.  Accessed: July 21, 2010.

[xvi] In 2000, the figure was 75%.  Amanda Lenhart, ‘How do [they] even do that?  A Pew Internet guide to teens, young adults, mobile phones and social media.  Presentation to the Lawlor Group’s Summer Seminar, June 10, 2010.  Available: http://pewinternet.org/Presentations/2010/Jun/How-do-they-even-do-that-A-Pew-Internet-guide-to-teens-cell-phones-and-social-media.aspx. Accessed: July 16, 2010.

[xvii] Aaron Smith, Mobile access 2010.  Report of the Pew Internet & American Life project. Available online: http://pewinternet.org.  Accessed: July 16, 2010.

[xviii] U.S. wireless quick facts. http://www.ctia.org/advocacy/research/index.cfm/AID/10323. Accessed: July 16, 2010.

[xix] Mary Madden, Four or more: The new demographic.  2010 Presentation for the American Library Association.  Available: http://pewinternet.org/Presentations/2010/Jun/Four-or-More–The-New-Demographic.aspx.  Accessed: July 16, 2010.  Note that the report specifies that 49% of adults aged 30 – 49 own four or more digital and mobile devices, and 40% of those aged 18-29 own four or more.  The study did not ask whether or not people interviewed had children in their homes, so this is an admittedly high estimate.

[xx] Allison Pugh, Longing and Belonging: Parents, children, and consumer culture.  University of California Press, 2009.

[xxi] Pugh, p.p. 123-124.

[xxii] Watkins.

[xxiii] Victoria Rideout, Ulla G. Foehr, & Donald Roberts.  Generation M2: Media in the lives of 8- to 18-year-olds.  A Kaiser Family Foundation Study.  Available: http://www.kff.org/entmedia/mh012010pkg.cfm.  Accessed: July 16, 2010.

[xxiv] Amanda Lenhart, Rich Ling, Scott Campbell, Kristen Purcell.  Teens and mobile phones.  Report of the Pew Internet & American Life project, April 20, 2010.  Accessed: July 18, 2010.

[xxv] Tracy L.M. Kennedy, Aaron Smith, Amy Tracy Wells, & Barry Wellman.  Networked families: Parents and spouses are using the Internet and cell phones to create a “new connectedness” that builds on remote connections and shared Internet experiences.  Report of the Pew Internet & American Life project, October 18, 2008.  Available: http://pewinternet.org.  Accessed: July 16, 2010.

[xxvi] World mobile use has doubled since 2000.  Infosync: Reporting from the digital frontier.  Available: http://www.infosyncworld.com/news/n/5636.html. Accessed: July 16, 2010.

[xxvii] Five billion people to use cell phones in 2010: UN.  The Independent (U.K.).  Available: http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/gadgets-and-tech/news/five-billion-people-to-use-mobile-phones-in-2010-un-1900768.html. Accessed: July 16, 2010.

[xxviii] The Globalist syndication services.  Available: http://www.theglobalist.com/globalicons/syndication/sample.htm.  Accessed: July 16, 2010.

[xxix] Rainie, Lee.  (2010).  How media consumption has changed since 2000. Presentation given at the Newhouse School’s Monetizing Online Business conference.  Available online: http://pewinternet.org.  Accessed: July 16, 2010.

[xxx] Lynn Harris, ChatRoulette: Should parents worry about the new Internet sensation? Report on Babble.com.  Available: http://www.babble.com/kid/chatroulette-parental-controls/.  Accessed: July 16, 2010.

[xxxi] The NBC program To Catch a Predator is perhaps the apex of examples, but almost every television network or local station has aired some version of the “parents, be worried” story.

[xxxii] Matt Richtel, Hooked on gadgets, and paying a mental price.  New York Times, June 6, 2010; Jane M. Healy, Endangered minds: Why children don’t think and what we can do about it. New York: Simon & Schuster, 1999.

[xxxiii] See, e.g., helicopter parenting books.  This is an argument echoed in Lenore Skanazy’s book, Free range kids: How to raise safe, self-reliant children.  Jossey-Bass, 2010.  See Olson, family soc psych guy, on enmeshed families in working class.

[xxxiv] The study of the shift from Gemeinschaft to Gesellschaft has been a central concern of sociologists from the field’s earliest traditions, rooted in studies by Durkheim, Marx, Weber, and Tonnies, among others.  In recent years, contributions to the understanding of the network society have come notably from Jan Van Dijk, The Network Society, transl. 1999.  Manuel Castells, The Network Society, Information Age trilogy, 1996.  See also Barry Wellman’s work on the rise of networked individualism.

[xxxv] Ulrich Beck, Risk Society: Towards a New Modernity.  London: Sage, 1992.

[xxxvi] Roger Silverstone, Media and Morality: On the Rise of the Mediaopolis. Polity Press, 2006.

[xxxvii] Anthony Giddens, The Consequences of Modernity.  Cambridge: Polity Press, 1990.  In this and in subsequent writings, Giddens develops his theory of structuration, which attempts to explain the relationship between individual agency and social structure.  He argues that society provides the structures that give shape to how people live, and the choices we can make.  We learn society’s “rules” as we grow into the culture, but these rules do not determine everything about how we will live.  Thus, the structure is like a language in which there are ways of using words that create familiar sentences, and some freedom to create new sentences using existing words.  This theory attempts to explore why and how social change can occur, and gives a way to think about the relatinship between micro choices and macro change.

[xxxviii] Paul Virilio (transl. Mark Polizzotti), Speed and Politics: An Essay on Dromology. New York: Semiotext(e), 1977.  Virilio argues that the risk society has been related to the development of sophisticated military systems that have supported both governments and counter government activities.

[xxxix] Rantanen, Terhi. (2005). Giddens and the ‘G’ word: An Interview with Anthony Giddens.  Global Media and Communication 1 (1): 63-77.

[xl] Anthony Giddens, The Transformation of Intimacy: Sexuality, Love, and Eroticism in Modern Societies. Cambridge: Polity, 1992.

[xli] Lynn Jamieson (1999). Intimacy Transformed?  A critical look at the ‘pure relationship.’  Sociology 33(3): 4770-494.

[xlii] David Morgan, 1996, in Jamieson.

[xliii] This is Lynn Jamieson’s central argument in Lynn Jamieson (1999). Intimacy Transformed?  A critical look at the ‘pure relationship.’  Sociology 33(3): 4770-494.

[xliv] Arlie Russell Hochschild, The Second Shift.

[xlv] Turcotte, M.  2007.  Time spent with family during a typical work day 1986 to 2006.  Canadian Social Trends, Statistics Canada – Catalogue No. 11-08.Available at: http://www.statcan.ca/english/freepub/11-008-XIE/2006007/pdf/11-008-XIE20060079574.pdf.; Milkie, M.A., Mattingly, M.J., Nomaguchi, K.M., Bianchi, S.M. and J.P. Robinson.  2004.  The time squeeze: Parental statuses and feelings about time with children.  Journal of Marriage and Family 66(3), 739-761; Mattingly, M.J. and Sayer, L.C. 2006.  Under pressure: Gender differences in the relationship between free time and feeling rushed. Journal of Marriage and Family 68(1), 205-221.

[xlvi] Jerry A. Jacobs and Kathleen Gerson.  The Time Divide: Work, Family, and Gender Inequality.  Harvard University Press.

[xlvii] Kathleen Gerson, The Unfinished Revolution.  New York: Oxford University Press, 2010.

[xlviii] Richard Posner, American wage stagnation.  Blog entry, April 18, 2010, The Becker-Posner blog.  Available: http://uchicagolaw.typepad.com/beckerposner/2010/04/american-wage-stagnationposner.html.  Accessed: July 28, 2010. The trend toward wage decline has only continued in recent years, as the U.S. median household income fell by 4 percentage points between 1997 and 2008 after adjusting for inflation.

[xlix] Exporting America.  AFL-CIO website: http://www.aflcio.org/issues/jobseconomy/exportingamerica/outsourcing_problems.cfm.  Accessed: July 28, 2010.

[l] Kathleen Gerson, The Unfinished Revolution.  New York: Oxford University Press, 2010.

[li] Eugene Smolensky and Jennifer Appleton Grootman (Eds.), Working Families and Growing Kids: Caring for Children and Adolescents. National Academies Press, Washington, D.C., 2003.  Available online: http://www.nap.edu/openbook.php?record_id=10669&page=R1

[lii] McPherson, M., Smith-Lovin, L., and M.E. Brashears.  2006.  Social isolation in America: Changes in core discussion networks over two decades.  American Sociological Review 71(June), 353-375.

[liii] Roland Sturm (2005).“Childhood Obesity: What we can learn from existing data on societal trends, part I.”  Preventing Chronic Disease 2(1): A12. Sturm also cites data from the 1999 Kaiser Family Foundation study that found, among other things, that computer gaming goes up and tv watching goes down among 9-12 boys.

[liv] See U.S. Bureau of the Census, 2001.  Census 2000.  Washington, D.C.  Department of Commerce, Economics, and Statistics Administration.  Also Roberts, Sam. Births to Minorities are Approaching Majority in U.S.  New York Times March 11, 2010.  URL: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/12/us/12census.html?scp=1&sq=majority%20minority&st=cse

[lv] Ken Anderson and Tye Rattenbury, Laptop, Netbook and MID study data: The realities of usage. Presented to the Intel Developers Forum, San Francisco, CA, 2009.  See also Ken Anderson, Dawn Nafus, Tye Rattenbury, Ryan Aipperspach, Numbers have qualities too: Experiences with ethno-mining. In Proceedings of EPIC, 2009.

[lvi] Ken Anderson and Tye Rattenbury, Laptop, Netbook and MID study data: The realities of usage. Presented to the Intel Developers Forum, San Francisco, CA, 2009.  See also Ken Anderson, Dawn Nafus, Tye Rattenbury, Ryan Aipperspach, Numbers have qualities too: Experiences with ethno-mining. In Proceedings of EPIC, 2009.

[lvii] See, e.g., Matt Richtel, Digital Devices Deprive Brain of Downtime.  New York Times, August 24, 2010.

[lviii] Between 1985 and 2000, the percentage of the population who were living in households with married partners and children declined from 31 to 23 percent of all families, according to the U.S. Census statistical abstract 2008, table 1304.

[lix] Charles N. Darrah, James M. Freeman, & J.A. English-Lueck.  (2007).  Busier than Ever! Why American Families Can’t Slow Down. Stanford University Press.

[lx] National Research Council and Institute of Medicine, Working Families and Work Policies, 32-36.

[lxi] Darrah et.al., op.cit.

[lxii] Ulrich Beck. Risk society: Towards a new modernity. Delhi: Sage, 1992.

[lxiii] Anthony Giddens, The Consequences of Modernity.  Cambridge: Polity Press, 1990.  In this and in subsequent writings, Giddens develops his theory of structuration, which attempts to explain the relationship between individual agency and social structure.  He argues that society provides the structures that give shape to how people live, and the choices we can make.  We learn society’s “rules” as we grow into the culture, but these rules do not determine everything about how we will live.  Thus, the structure is like a language in which there are ways of using words that create familiar sentences, and some freedom to create new sentences using existing words.  This theory attempts to explore why and how social change can occur, and gives a way to think about the relationship between micro choices and macro change.

[lxiv] Diane Alters and Lynn Schofield Clark, Introduction.  In Stewart Hoover, Lynn Schofield Clark, and Diane Alters, Media, Home, and Family. Routledge, 2004.

[lxv] Ulrich Beck, Risk Society: Towards a New Modernity, trans. Mark Ritter. Thousand Oaks, CA, 1992.

[lxvi] Barry Schwartz, The Paradox of Choice: Why More is Less, New York: Harper Collins, 2004; Darrah et.al., op.cit.

[lxvii] Steinberg, 1985, 1990, 1994; Weiss & Schwarz, 1996.

[lxviii] Hochschild, Arlie Russell.  (1979).  Emotion work, feeling rules, and social structure.  The American Journal of Sociology 85(3):551-575; Hochschild, Arlie Russell.  (1983). The Managed Heart. University of California Press.

[lxix] Joseph Plambeck, Big paydays for chiefs in the media.  New York Times, May 2, 2010.

[lxx] Ownership chart: The big six.  Free Press. Available: http://www.freepress.net/ownership/chart/main.  Accessed: July 20, 2010.

[lxxi] Ibid.

[lxxii] Quick guide to top cell phone carriers.  CNet, March 7, 2010.  Available: http://reviews.cnet.com/2719-3504_7-389-2.html?tag=page;page. Accessed: July 20, 2010.

[lxxiii] This is consistent with an argument for the mediatization of families, or the role that media are playing in creating.  See, e.g., Lynn Schofield Clark, Theories: Mediatization and Media Ecology.  In Knut Lundby, Ed., Mediatization: Concept, Changes, Consequences.  Peter Lang, 2009; Lynn Schofield Clark, Considering mediatization through a case study of J + K’s Big Day: A response to Stig Hjarvard.  In Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion, forthcoming.

Interview with Parker Palmer & Thoughts about Insecurity, the Self, & Writing

November 8, 2010

Today I had an opportunity to serve as interviewer with Parker Palmer, one of my heroes in education, spirituality, and social change.  He is such an inspiration in the way that his life and work are one and the same.  He is a reflective, thoughtful person who seeks to share himself with others, but in a kind rather than self-promoting way.  He’s a real role model for me as a person who tends to like the quiet and the thoughtful.  His depth is refreshing in our culture of constant movement, self-branding, provocation and 140-character wisdom soundbites.

Parker is the author of seven books, including the bestsellers The Courage to Teach, A Hidden Wholeness, and Let Your Life Speak.  One of his basic arguments is that if we attend to our own inner landscapes – our own deepest needs and fears – we can be better prepared to open up safe spaces in which learning can truly happen.  He says that it was in his own experience of clinical depression, when he was stripped from his ability to rely on his emotions, his ego, or his critical thinking skills, that he first became aware of the soul. He compares the nature of the soul to a wild animal deep in the woods of our psyche, and says that if we approach it with too much loudness, it will cower away.  We need to wait for it, create inviting spaces for it to appear in our midst.  It sounds so paradoxical, and so true: if we acknowledge and honor our own lives, we are better prepared to honor the lives of our students – and the lives of our children.

On good days, I’m right with Parker, and life and work feel completely in tune.  Kids are happy, students are engaged, writing is rewarding, teaching is exhiliarating.  But unfortunately, not every day is like that, and when it’s not, I know that it’s much more about my internal life than about anything that’s happening around me.  On those days, I’d just rather hibernate.  On those days, I’ve somehow allowed myself to focus on the fact that I might not be liked, or respected, or I’m worried that I’ll say something inappropriate or unintentionally hurtful.  I’m all too familiar with my own flaws: I’m so serious and intense, I have a tendency to be self-involved, I tend to overcommit myself and am constantly worried about whether or not anything I write or say will have any resonance or usefulness.  I know that I don’t really need reassurance from anyone but myself.  So why is it so hard to give it?

I think it has to do with an ingrained, female-specific script that needs to be changed.  I need to remind myself that taking care of self isn’t the same as selfishness.  Instead: Care for the self, and then you can truly care for others.  It is so much easier to beat myself up.  And it isn’t clinical depression so much as something far less acceptable but perhaps just as widespread: emotional insecurity.  Like depression, this word too is feminized.  Lacking in confidence, security, or safety; lacking mental stability; unsteady, full of doubt, anxious. It’s a trait that’s not attractive to self or to others. Which means the recognition of insecurity just adds to the negative perception of self.

The good news is that perception of self is the key.   It’s a focus on the negative, even the possibly negative, that gives rise to insecurities.  But adjusting perspective is something that can be learned and practiced as a discipline.  I think it’s an important discipline, for parenting as well as for teaching and writing.  If I want my kids and my students to feel confident and secure, then I need to model that.  I need to care for myself, because don’t I want them to learn to care for themselves, to see that it’s okay to care for themselves?

Is blogging the appropriate venue for thoughts like these?  I never seen to work them into books or articles, although more and more I talk about things like emotional work and meaning in relation to family life and connection in the mediated environment in which we immerse ourselves. I admire the people who can “brain-dump” into blogs.  Maybe I’m just too intense for this medium.

Most of my writing time goes to different pursuits.  I write journal articles and labor over the analysis and presentation of data even as I also strive to situate what I think I’ve found in relation to what others have found so that I can feel somewhat confident that my own contribution is unique.  Sometimes I take on theories and histories to try to make some kind of point that I think a particular scholarly community would benefit from hearing. Sometimes I struggle to figure out how to divide up “big projects,” which is to say books.  Sometimes I even get them finished, even if they’re still, in my view, more complicated than they needed to be.

So how does writing fit into all of this?  I have gotten much praise over the years for being “productive,” which is interesting because I think my drive to write is less about achieving productivity than the result of something I feel compelled to do.  I don’t write because I’m insecure and need to prove something.  In fact it’s hardest to write when I’m feeling insecure.  But writing is what keeps me healthy.  It’s the way in which I know what I truly think.  It’s how I can get away from distraction and regain perspective.  Running is its complement for me, because it forces me out of my head so that I have to notice the beauty in the world around me.  I’ve often thought that the rhythm of breathing that comes after the first half-mile or so is the payoff in running, for it’s when I feel like my body’s had to give over control to some other, internal rhythm.  It’s my reminder of my own life-force, my soul.  The peace that comes from the solitude of writing does the same.  So today, it was very interesting to hear Parker talk about writing and visiting the woods as his own “spiritual disciplines,” because I guess they are mine, too. But is there any benefit to talking about them?

I have another spiritual discipline, and that’s the discipline of being really present with my kids.  Sometimes I have to force myself to put down my laptop.  Sometimes I will recognize that their acting up is in direct response to my distractedness.  Then, on good days, I will put down what I’m doing, look them in the eye, and say something like, “let’s each work on our homework for 15 minutes, and then I want to hear you tell me all about (whatever it is they were wanting to tell me).”  Sometimes that works, but there are other times when I just have to take on the discipline of allowing myself to go with their flow, to put down the thing I wanted to do and resist thinking about it or resenting the interruption.

Parker Palmer also got me thinking about interruptions and constants in work, especially over the life of a career.  I have often wondered what in the world unites all of my own work that seems to range from audience studies to world religions and popular culture to work on parenting, media, and young people and the future of journalism, and I felt like this opportunity to sit with Parker and talk about his work before a particular audience of educators helped me to get some insight into this.  I guess what tends to characterize my own writing is that I am very interested in serious listening, in trying to find what gives people a sense of meaning and value so that I can hold a mirror up and let others reflect on what is being said or done.  Sometimes, this has meant trying to listen to the true angst of parents as they express their care for their children through the worries they locate in media uses.  At other times, this concern with meaning has ended up being an interest in how people reconcile what they say and do, how their world views relate to their politics and to what’s in the mediated realm that reinforces or occasionally challenges what they take for granted.

So it was refreshing to be in a space where I could be invited to be the public listener, reflecting back to educators what I’ve heard in their midst and then listening to how Parker responded to their desires for affirmation and wholeness.  Because that’s sort of the role I’d like to grow into myself: a reflector, not a provocateur; a person who lets you figure out your own insights about parenting or teaching or learning whatever.  I don’t have any interest in demanding that you listen to what I think I know about anything.  But I would like to be part of your conversation, to learn from you and share what I’ve learned based on what it seems like you want to know.  I’d much rather be wise than smart, and that’s sort of a quieter, more contemplative thing.  It’s out of step with remix and Twitter culture, and probably with blog culture, too.  But if I can just continue to live in the moment, conscious of others’ needs but not neglectful of my own, I think this life work of being a teacher/scholar will be – or actually, will continue to be – really amazing.

 


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